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| Sunday, January 18, 2009 |
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My uncle sent me this link. Have a great day! http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html |
| Friday, January 16, 2009 |
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Hey All, I’ve got the blues today. And yesterday. It’s been coming on all week actually. I’m just riding it out, waiting for the cloud to lift. I’m sure it will. Reality check. Life is hard. I thought cooking for Shabbos would get me out of it, but it didn’t. Chocolate helps. I got some great stuff in Woodstock – Endangered Species Extra Dark Smooth. I’ve eaten half the bar already. And talking to friends helps too. They’re the best. We’re playing Balderdash Motzei Shabbos. That should help too. I’ll make Atara’s spicy popcorn. Yum! I wish we were having guests for Shabbos dinner, but everyone seems to be busy. I’ve noticed a few times now that when I think I need to be with people, nobody is available. I think it’s on purpose. Like Hashem wants me to spend time with myself, or just with my family. So I embrace that too, even though it’s hard sometimes. Or maybe it’s that I just got around to calling people today, after everyone already made their plans and did their cooking. We’re going to the Goldhars for lunch. It’s been ages since we’ve seen them and I’m sure it will be lots of fun. And Ruchama is going to venture out in the cold to visit me in the am. That’ll be great. Chemo went fine on Wednesday, but we were there from 11 am till almost 7 pm. And I had already started the day with a session with Dr. Gatto early in the am. We spent most of the time at MSK waiting around for them to get the drug ready and for a room to be available. I was nervous again about the drug, but the nurse was GREAT. I only needed a finger prick for the blood draw, and the 2nd IV was perfect so I wasn’t too bandaged up this time. The nurse promised me that she never ever saw a patient react to this particular med. I’m sure it will get easier and easier. While the Abraxaine SLOWLY dripped into me, we watched a very funny Australian movie about a guy who cleans port-a-potty’s for a living. Sorry to offend, but those of you who know me well know that I enjoy scatological humor. Turns out I’m not alone. Certain other members of Team Chemo think it’s a hoot too. And even those that don’t go for that sort of thing also liked the film a lot. Kenny, the hero was really an inspiration. A real mensch. We were all pretty spent from hanging around all day, so afterwards all we could muster up the energy for was dinner, which was great. We went to Olympic Pita in Brooklyn and we stuffed ourselves silly. Maybe we would have gone out after that, but I think we were all too bloated to get a move on. Anyway, as it was, we didn’t make it home till close to 11 as it was. My red blood cell count is low. Dr. Krug has me taking iron now, which makes me nauseous and wreaks havoc on my bowels (there’s the scatology again). But I’ll do anything to avoid a blood transfusion. And my ribs hurt, and various spots in my back, which scares me, but I’m sure it’s just the healing liquid doing its work. Makes sense, but it’s pretty uncomfortable every time I sneeze. Sorry to be so glum. I think it’s a necessary phase, like a bridge to the next stage of my exciting journey. I saw from doing the vision board that I have a lot of work to do in the most important areas of my life. I’m gathering steam and getting clarity to take it on. It’s all good. I’m so glad that a lot of you have been enjoying the recipes. Here’s what we’re having for Shabbos dinner. Bet you wish you were at my house right about now. Wish you were here too! Whole Wheat, Spelt and Oat Bran Challah Creamy Carrot Bisque Braised Chicken with Mushrooms, Tomatoes, Lemon and Herbs Brown Basmati Rice Sauteed Collard Greens with Garlic Steamed Broccoli Salt Baked Pears With love and blessings for a healing Shabbos. SE Creamy Carrot Bisque (Adapted from Cooking the Whole Foods Way by Christina Pirello) Serves 8 2 tsp olive oil 2 cloves garlic, minced 6 shallots, peeled and diced Sea salt 8 cups diced carrots 6 cups organic vegetable or chicken broth 2 cups filtered water 4 tbsp white miso (optional) Heat olive oil in a soup pot over med-low heat. Add garlic and shallots with a pinch of salt and cook, stirring 3 to 4 minutes. Add carrots, another pinch of salt and cook, stirring until coated with oil. Add broth and water and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat, cover and simmer over low heat until carrots are tender (20 to 25 minutes). Put soup through a food mill or puree in a food processor or use a stick blender until smooth. Return soup to the pot. Add salt to taste. If using miso, remove a small amount of broth, add miso and stir until dissolved. Stir mixture into soup and simmer 3 to 4 minutes more. Braised Chicken with Mushrooms, Tomatoes, Lemon and Herbs (This one is my invention) Serves 6-8 4 cups mixed mushrooms (I use shitake and portabello) 2 organic chickens cut in eighths, skin removed 1 tsp salt ½ tsp pepper 1 tbsp paprika 2 tbsp olive oil 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 small onions, thinly sliced 2 shallots, chopped 2 cups tomatoes cut into 1/2” dice 1 ½ cups organic vegetable broth or chicken stock 1 tbsp fresh rosemary, chopped Juice and zest of 1 lemon 1 bunch parsley, coarsely chopped (reserve some for garnish) Sautee the mushrooms in a bit of olive oil for about 4 minutes, set aside. Season chicken with salt, pepper, and paprika. In a clean pan, heat olive oil over medium high heat. Brown chicken quickly on all sides and remove from pan. Add garlic, onion and shallot to the pan, and sauté over medium heat until everything is limp and reduced. Do not brown! Add remaining ingredients along with the mushrooms and stir together until well combined. Add salt and pepper to taste. Place chicken in pan or casserole in one layer, and pour sauce all over top. Cover with foil and bake at 375º for about 45 minutes. Turn heat up to 425º, uncover and bake to reduce sauce. Salt Baked Pears (Adapted from a recipe by Martha Stewart) Organic bosc pears (one per person) 1 box kosher salt Pure honey Place pears standing up in a high sided baking pan Pour the salt around the pears until just the tops are exposed. Bake at 375 until fully cooked through (about 1.5 hours). When ready to serve, carefully remove pears from the pan, leaving some salt on the fruit. Serve pears drizzled with honey. |
| Tuesday, January 13, 2009 |
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Dear Friends, Please forgive me for not writing sooner. Life’s been busy, and fun and challenging. Chemo on Monday went well, after a small anxiety attack that passed quickly, BH”. It was amazing really, and confirmed once again the power of the mind over the body. I really didn’t think the previous experience had affected me so much, but when Dr. Krug met me in the morning and asked me if I’d recovered yet from the horrible drug reaction, I got that it was pretty intense. After I gave some blood and settled in for drug number 6 the nurse tried to start an IV and it wasn’t good. She totally missed my vein. The next nurse tried the other arm and again it wasn’t good. Then she started a new line and it looked like this third try wasn’t going to happen either. And there was reason to be concerned because the drug would surely damage my tissue if it leaked outside of my vein. Then Yoni and Tsvika started to say Ana b’Koach, and within seconds the bad IV started to show a good blood return and we were off to the races. Except the infusion was to take two hours, which meant that the drug would move VERY slowly through the line and down into my arm. If we did it any faster there was a greater risk of neuropathy, which, it turns out, can be irreversible. I actually had the wherewithal to ask about the length of the therapy because the nurse was all set to do it in 30 minutes. When I brought up the question she went to confirm with Dr. Krug and he said absolutely 2 hours. Take this as a lesson to be your own advocate. So, despite the bandages all over my arms form the blood draw and the failed IV attempts, everything looked peachy while we waited for the drug to make its way down the tubing. Except I was getting really worked up and then I felt that tightness in my chest and a hot flush moving from my abdomen up to my chest and my head and I couldn’t believe it because it was just like the drug reaction I’d had last week but there was no drug in my body yet! And it was really something to experience because it was so real and yet so psychosomatic. And it passed as quickly as it came on. When the healing liquid finally entered my body Team Chemo was deep in prayer and I was meditating intensely on the healing energy zapping the bad cells and empowering the good cells to get with the program. Poor Ella. She practically lost circulation in her hand because I didn’t realize I was squeezing her so hard for the first twenty minutes of the drip. I’ve had no side effects from the new drug, except that I can’t imagine my hair getting much thinner. If only my body would thin out from the drug. Then I’d be a pretty happy camper. After MSK, Team Chemo drove downtown for a memory tour. We headed down Canal Street, past Chinatown, and up to the Village and NYU. Ella, Tsvika and I all went to NYU at various points over the last 20 years (yes, I’m the oldest, and go back the farthest). I was thrilled to see that some of my special places are still there, and that those places were special for the others as well. We drove around pointing and shouting at all the sites - Caliente Cab Company, John’s Pizza, Bobst Library and all the buildings where we each studied. It’s been so good to reconnect with the energy of my youth. As hard as I tried to delete them, the experiences of my past are part of who I am and when I cut them off I cut off whole parts of myself. I don’t need to return to NYU to be a whole person, but it’s good to visit, to breathe in the familiar energy of the place, and to embrace it as part of what made me the unique person that I am. I’ve been working hard to apply positive thinking to all areas of my life. It’s a hard habit to break and there’s lots of baggage to deal with. Negative thinking has been my automatic reaction for my whole life. Now, by the time I recognize that I’m even doing it, I’m often very far down the road of fear, anxiety and misery. But now I can tell myself that it’s not real, so when I finally do catch myself dwelling in a negative thought, I have more power over it. I have caught myself many times this week having negative thoughts about my healing journey and on the spot I changed the thought, or just cancelled it. In that department of my life the muscle is getting stronger. It proves that the muscles can be strengthened in all the pathways of my mind. It’s all about recognition and creating new thought habits. And no matter the outcome, there is absolutely no harm in working the muscles. Only good. Racquel Houpt and I hosted the Women’s Healing Circle at my house last Wednesday night. 16 beautiful women were in attendance and everyone really appreciated the opportunity to come together and share about our journeys. We did a great exercise to get to know each other and each person introduced a woman they never met before and shared something they loved about her. It’s really awesome how much you can love and appreciate someone you’ve just met! To end the evening each women painted and collaged a felt square to make into a healing quilt of miracles and light. Thank you to everyone who came out, literally, and joined the circle. Had a great session with Dr. Gatto Thursday morning and we worked on the drug anxiety issue. I’m going back early tomorrow morning to prepare for tomorrow’s round of healing liquid. Good idea, no? The threatened blizzard didn’t amount to much but I ventured out in it Motzei Shabbos to buy supplies for a vision process that Ella led on Sunday night for me, Clare, Naama and Esther Rachel. We had a great time sifting through magazines for inspiring images to paste onto our vision boards. We all worked from the same magazines, yet everyone’s vision was totally unique. It was such a good exercise to choose and arrange visual images to articulate my vision for my life. I learned a lot about myself from the process. I saw what’ s really important to me, where I’m strong and where I need to work harder, make changes, apply myself. I felt like I was validating essential parts of myself, and my particular self expression. The colors, the details, everything was a deep expression of me on paper. Already the vision board is calling me to be in areas of my life where I was checked out or lazy. Studying the final vision I saw a picture of a complete person and an integrated life. And it was so much fun! Everyone brought her favorite music and we shared a lot. What extraordinary women I have in my life! It’s a blessing to bring them together into my love circle. Batsheva and I had fun cleaning up the house together on Sunday morning. She’s really growing up and more and more she’s enjoying helping me in the house. I loved listening to her singing her own songs to herself the whole time she was picking things up. She’s been helping a lot with her younger siblings too and the best part of all is the quiet joy she radiates while she’s doing something for someone else. I’m so grateful to witness this new maturity in her. On Monday morning we headed up to Woodstock again for another dose of mountain air. The snow was stunning and the town was pretty quiet. After chocking up on chocolate at the health food store we headed over to Bread Alone for a big fat organic multigrain loaf to eat with the French lentil soup and Caesar salad that I made for the occasion. And then you wouldn’t believe who I saw! Kris Karr was right there standing next to the counter in the bakery. I saw Kris’ documentary film about her cancer journey many months ago and it helped me get going on my own project. Of course I introduced myself and told her a little bit about myself and my film. I really felt the hand of G-d in that chance meeting. We made it to the “World’s Largest Kaleidoscope” and stretched out on the floor to watch the film on the mirrored ceiling of the silo. It was as great as I remembered from three years ago and the kaleidoscopes made by various artists on sale in the shop were incredible too. This time we made it up the mountain to Hunter/Tannersville and the ride down the other side was gorgeous. The frozen Katterskill falls were breathtaking! What a great way to start the week. Sara Ringer, Mom and I met tonight to map out a plan for school for next year. We have five openings for children ages 3 to 5 for September. Please call Sara at 973-614-8483 for info or to arrange a visit to our classroom. It’s something special to see it in action and we love having visitors. We’re off to Sloan tomorrow for the second round of the new drug and I’m excited about it. Don’t worry if I don’t write. In my case, no news is good news. Just means I’m too busy and having too much fun to sit myself down and write. Many thanks to the two people who each anonymously sent me some great music cds. Really inspiring music! I listened to one and cried the whole way to Dr. Gatto. It was so right on!! Thank you also to the beautiful women who cooked for us this past week. The German Chocolate Cake on Shabbos was divine!!!! Signing off now, with much love to everyone. Simcha Esther Atara’s (Totally Unhealthy) Spicy Popcorn – Enjoyed by me and the gals two weeks ago Motzei Shabbos Use a large heavy pot with a tight fitting lid. Cover the bottom of the pot with ¼” light olive, corn or canola oil. Add ¼ tsp salt, ½ tsp garlic powder, ½ tsp onion powder, ¼ tsp ground black pepper, and a dash of cayenne (or more to taste). Cover the bottom of the pot with corn kernels, without layering too much. Turn the heat on medium-low until you hear the first pop. Raise the heat to high until the popping stops (and the top pops off). Have fun with the spices and make it your own! |
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