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| Friday, February 27, 2009 |
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Hello Everyone, Did you know that they’re building the Nascar Hall of Fame in Charlotte? Now doesn’t that sound like tons of fun? Well that’ll put the town on the map for sure! We had a great flight into North Carolina, that is until we hit some bad weather for about thirty minutes while descending. Oriel threw up the minute we landed. Oy! Did I feel sorry for the guy sitting by the window – thank goodness he had LONG legs to step over the mess. It was a businessman’s flight, so everyone just sort of stared at me to see what I’d do. I wonder what any of them would have done in my situation. Well, we were fine in the end and Fran met us right near the luggage carousel and helped me change O.T.’s clothes. It was really good spending time with Dad and Fran. And it was really special for Oriel to be the only kid for almost a week. It was bonding time for all of us. I even managed to get some work done. I wrote all of the text for the website that Adina is designing for me. The website looks great! Can’t wait to send everyone the addresss. But being less busy than usual gave me time for my mind to go places that aren’t so good, and I found myself focusing too much on all the pains in my bones. One night I couldn’t sleep at all. I decided that it was just CT scan anxiety. It sort of comes over me all of a sudden when I don’t even see it coming. I made sure to pick up some Dramamine for the flight home and Oriel was a great sport chewing it up while we waited for takeoff. I thought I’d have to carry him off sleeping from the drug, but he was as lively as ever. At one point he insisted that he could see Jupiter from the window and then he told me we were landing in Africa. Well, whatever. There was no arguing with him on either point. Creative kid. And stubborn! I wonder who he gets that from…. Yoni met us at Arrivals and as soon as we got home I changed my clothes, gobbled up some lunch and headed into the city with Atara and Tsvika to meet with Donna Wilson at Sloan Kettering’s Integrative Medicine building. Donna showed me and Atara all the things I can do (and can’t do) to work out. Can’t wait to start again with Atara in her beautiful studio. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked out with her. Just before we left, Donna told me that I’m a lot heavier than the last time she saw me. Oy! My trainer said I’m fat!!! And we got it on film. Charming! Well, I decided then and there to seriously start my diet. Ten pounds by Pesach. Do you think I can do it? Somewhere on 74th Street, between 1st and 2nd Avenues we passed a small ground floor office with a sign outside. Philloptochos Society. Well Atara stopped in her tracks and said “What do you think THAT is??? And how do you pronounce it???” Ooooh! Did I have a good laugh. So I said “Let’s ring the bell and find out”. So I pushed the buzzer and the guy inside didn’t answer, but we saw him! I guess he was done for the day, so we had to pass on it. Atara said she’d Google it from home. We got in the car and of course, the conversation immediately was “where do we eat?” It always seems to come down to that. I said something about healthy fare, ‘cause Donna said my tochos is quite filled up enough!’ My cohorts argued that you can’t start a diet on a Thursday. It didn’t take much convincing. How come there aren’t any great family owned ethnic kosher restaurants? They’re just the best. I wanted to go to one of those kinds of places, a great little Greek place would have been awesome. As we headed North, Atara and I rhapsodized about avgolemono, moussaka, pastizio, dolmades and so much more. I said I’d just have to cook my own. That’s just what I’ve learned to do over the years. If you can’t find it kosher, make it yourself. I’ve made some great stuff! Look forward to Greek recipes coming soon. Finally we agreed on Mabat in Teaneck and we headed for the bridge. It was dusk and the bridge and the river and the old beautiful buildings along the Hudson were stunning. It would have made a great backdrop for a dramatic scene, but we were hungry and in a hurry. The saneeya at Mabat was awesome! Never had it before. It’s these little bits of grilled meat - chicken, turkey and beef, with grilled mushrooms and onions, on a bed of chumus. Yum! And we got about a thousand little salads to go with it – beets, eggplant, radish, cilantro, avacadeo, etc., etc., etc. I stopped as soon as I felt full, but boy was it good! We got back to my house at about 8:00 and the kids were all in jammies. They were so happy to see me and I got so many hugs. Wow! They missed me more than they let on in our phone calls. Every time I called they just wanted to talk to Oriel and I didn’t think they missed me at all! Then I looked at my office, a closet in my kitchen, that is usually piled up to the ceiling with junk. I’m not kidding. You have to wear a hard had when you open the door. Well, it was immaculate, organized, practically empty! Turns out Yoni cleaned it out while I was gone. What a treat!!! I hated that mess and was dreading it more than Pesach cleaning. He even filed all the papers that were thrown around. Thanks Yoni!!! I got up early and made a cholent for Shabbos. I was all out of onions. Used a lot of garlic. I hope it’s good. Then I headed to Basking Ridge for the CT scan. I sat in the waiting area while Tsvika interviewed Kristy, the radiologist who did my scan there last time, about all the miracles she’s seen. She said that it all comes down to attitude. She said that the one’s that make it all have a great attitude. I feel pretty good about my attitude. Thanks Kristy for coming on your day off to give us the interview – and on your birthday no less! Happy Birthday!! While I was waiting and downing the horrible poison drink, a pretty young mom came in with her toddler daughter. She sat on the floor and was giving the little girl snacks and reading to her. I kept looking at her, wondering what she was there for. I was sad to see her there, alone and so young. Then an older man came in and joined her and I thought, “whew, she’s here for her dad, that’s better.” But a few minutes later one of the radiologists came and called both of them, the father and the daughter, and I just couldn’t make sense of it. They were both there for scans. Oh, man. I was kind of nervous about the IV contrast, but this wonderful nurse who knew me from the last two times put in my IV and administered the contrast injection while I lay on the table. Then she actually held me and hugged me for about two minutes while the stuff coursed through me. People are amazing. I never cease to be amazed. The scan went fine and I’ll get the results on Wednesday. Remember, please don’t ask me about it. It’s stressful enough to wait. Now I’m putting it out of my head and thinking about other stuff, like Shabbos, and the amazing meal that Nechama Blima sent over for my family. What a bounty!!! Thank you N.B.!!! Well, I just Googled Philoptochos, and would you believe it’s a Greek Orthodox non-profit organization that supports all kinds of wonderful programs. Well, no wonder I was craving baklava! I’m so gastronomically tuned in!!! Wishing everyone a joyous Adar, full of simcha and surprises. Just like in the days of Mordechai and Esther, Hashem should take all the evil decrees and turn them upside down. This is the month!!!! V’nahafoch! Much love, Simcha Esther My Beefy Cholent 6-8 potatoes, peeled, cut in quarters or eights 1 big onion, cut in half and sliced thin ¾ cup beans, more or less (white/kidney/pinto or any combination) ¾ cup pearl barley 2 pounds lean beef (kalichal) or bison, cut in big pieces 1 tbsp coriander 2 tbsp paprika 1 tbsp cumin 4-6 cloves garlic, chopped coarsely 2 big squirts ketchup (gross but yummy) ½ bottle soy sauce or tamari Chili powder Put all of the ingredients in a heavy pot or crock pot in the order listed. Cover with water. Sprinkle chili powder over the water, covering the surface. If cooking in a pot, cover and cook on medium high heat for 4 hours, then lower to simmer until ready to put on the blech. Add water if necessary. If cooking in a crock pot, cook on high for 4 hours, then set on low until ready to serve. Add water if necessary. |
| Friday, February 20, 2009 |
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Dear Friends, I’m good. Whew. Still good. Great really. It’s been such a rich week I can’t even remember back to last Shabbos. Thank you to everyone for writing to me. It makes a HUGE difference. Can you imagine? Feeling connected makes everything so much sweeter. Shabbos with the boys was so great. Akiva really opens up when it’s just us. On Sunday morning I drove the Monsey carpool to Darchei Noam. A car full of yeshiva boys. It’s sobering in a way. Then I headed over the GW Bridge and picked up Ella to go to Deb and Steven’s baby’s bris at Aish. What a cute kid! I wanted to eat him all up at once!! The bris was beautiful. Same mohel that we used almost 12 years ago, same place. Ella and I got to talking in the car in front of her apartment afterwards and it was late when I got home, but I took Akiva and Oriel to visit Bubba at the rehab in Teaneck and Yoni took the girls back to Monsey for Yoni’s cousin’s vort. Mazal Tov to the Berkowitz and Block families on all the simchas! We had dinner with Mom in the dining room and I saw a beautiful woman, about ninety, all dressed up. She was luminous, full of grace. When we went upstairs she was in front of us in her wheelchair and I watched a man in the hall wink at her. But she is married, and I saw her later with her husband in the lobby. She was quite taken with my kids, and I just had to tell her how beautiful she was. I’m glad I did. One of those moments you know? A "this is my only chance, once in a lifetime with another soul" moment. I’m so full of life when I step into those moments and say what’s in my heart. I’m so glad Mom is finally home. The place, as beautiful as it was, weirded me out. I couldn’t help but think about death whenever I was there. And the contrast between me and those old souls was so stark. I couldn’t stop thinking that I’m too young, too alive, too unfinished, to be in that stage of life. Driving home we were listening to Chaim Dovid, Seven Shepherds, and the tears were just streaming. After some time Akiva asked me so gently why I was crying. Do I tell him that I don’t want to die? I said everything was alright and he was good with that. I’m fighting so hard to affirm life and living. After that good cry I felt good afterwards. I think I just need to keep releasing the emotions as they come up. I have to say, all this heavy work keeps me in touch with the preciousness of life. I go deeper and deeper into places that feel essential and expansive. I think my soul needs to journey far into the experience, I always come out feeling more alive, more vital, totally refreshed and empowered. As I wrote last week, I’ve been experiencing more and deeper letting go. I have spent so much energy holding onto people, places, things, internal conversations, all to avoid facing the unknown, or sometimes to avoid all the fears of what I “know” will happen. But it’s true that real life occurs in the unknown. And you know, death is another part of life, the ultimate unknown. Maybe it’s a way cool trip. This is a way cool trip when I let go and enjoy the ride. The stuff I hold onto like my life depends on it has mostly been so debilitating for me. Letting go is so good, so healing. I even experienced all the pain in my body disappearing over just a few days. Big change equals big growth. Scary, but good. These are big waves that I’m learning to ride. I really trust that it’s all good. Yoni left Sunday night to spend a few days in Saugerties and I fully embraced the opportunity to be alone. I wasn’t totally alone, I did have four kids here, but there was an alone element to it that was a challenge and I was a little afraid to fend for myself, managing my wild and crazy brood. But I did great. We had a really good time, and I found myself really focusing on them, having fun, laughing when I normally would have been frustrated and impatient with them. On Monday, I was really afraid of the morning routine, which one could easily call a nightmare on any day. But, I got up at 6:20 with Akiva, was amazed at how independent he was getting himself dressed, finishing a report and getting out at 6:50. The girls got dressed right away, and we had plenty of time for a leisurely breakfast before the van came to take them to Monsey. Yoni and I are usually threatening to put them on the van in their underwear, clothes in a bag, just to get them moving after they’ve spent the whole morning playing with their hair. Did I do that when I was 8? I can’t imagine it. Oriel marched downstairs to school at 9:00 on the dot. How did he know it was time? He usually announces in the morning hat he’s not going to school, that he’s feeling a little bit sick. Which he isn’t ever. But on Monday he got dressed, grabbed his lunch, and headed off. After all the kids were out the door, happy and cooperative, I felt like I had accomplished a full day's work. I wanted to give them something special to let them know how much I appreciated their cooperation. I decided to make them some cookies for when they got home from school. I spent the morning gathering up Bubba and her stuff and bringing her home. It’s been three weeks since she went to the hospital. It was good to have her home. In the afternoon Oriel and I baked up a healthy batch of grain sweetened chocolate chip cookies for everyone and I brought some over to Bubba too. Yummy! On Tuesday morning Tsvika and I headed over to Yocheved’s house with my two huge bins of paint supplies and my giant canvas. We put on a Greg Joy new age Celtic CD and Yocheved led a brief meditation for she and I, focusing on life and celebration. AS soon as she was done, I went right to the purple paint, deepened it a bit with blue, and covered the canvas. Then I found this great iridescent glitter and dusted it all over the surface. I watched the angel dust turn pink and blue and lavender. It was awesome. Then I took some glitter glue and painted three long vertical spirals converging in a vortex in the middle. One was blue, another lavender and the third purple. Then I took red and yellow, mixed it a little bit into a swirly, streaky orange, and I used my fingers to paint four birds soaring upwards. I gave them each a tiny gemstone eye. Then I mixed red and white into a streaky pink and finger painted a huge abstract pulsing heart in the bottom left corner. In the top right corner I painted a big swirling green and yellow sun with rays of dots coming down towards the spirals. I dabbed on some rivers of blue and white swirly dots and some bigger pink swirly orbs in two corners. The painting is awesome! I love it! And the whole process was pure celebration. It’s so upward moving, and surging with life energy. I’m so glad we caught it all on film. It’d make a great ending to the documentary. I can’t wait to hang my masterpiece in my dining room where I can see it every Shabbos. For art therapy I’d say I’m off to a fabulous start! Can’t wait to do more. The kids LOVED it. I’ll do some art therapy with them too. Yay!! Later that day I headed into the city and dragged Tsvika to film me visiting the final rehearsal of my directing teacher’s production at NYU. It was so great seeing Bob Moss again, and even though twenty years of life has passed, he has the same lighthearted energy that I always remembered. The guy may age, but he’s never going to get old. We talked a bit about the old days, and my tiny gang of fellow pioneer students. We were the first ever undergrad directing students at the university and Bob was behind it all. At the time NYU was the ONLY undergrad directing program in the country. Maybe it still is, but it’s come a long way. The play was in the same black box main stage theater that I worked in back in the day, and there were about 7 computers set up on the tech tables in the middle of the house. I marveled at how things have come so far since I was an assistant stage manager for Bob’s show in 1985. In those days we did it all the old fashioned way, with light boards, sound boards and manual tech operators. It was really amazing seeing how the show seemed to run itself with the push of a button. And it was also amazing to see the production crew, young kids that reminded me so much of myself back then. After the rehearsal I hit a sale on earrings at a little shop on Broadway. I knew it was time to buzz my sorry hair, so I treated myself to 7 new dangly pairs to decorate my head and to prepare myself for the big event. The next morning I saw Dr. Gatto and he had very little to work on with me. Life is great and I’m having a blast. So he did a long guided visualization/hypnosis and reinforced all the good things and thoughts that are giving me so much life. On my way home I went over to Gaby’s new salon on Main Avenue for my big hair cut appointment. The place is really nice, love the chandeliers! And Gaby was really sensitive about the whole thing. I told him I wanted a spiky top just like his. Why not? Nobody will ever see it. Gotta have fun! He took me into the private cutting room for frum ladies and he turned me away from the mirror while he buzzed away. He said it would be less traumatic that way. The whole time he sheared my hair he kept saying how cute it looked, like Winona Ryder, etc., etc. Then he turned me around to see myself and oh boy, it was something to get used to, but it actually was kind of cute. Then Gaby’s eyes got wide and he said how great it would look dyed red. And I laughed and he said he had time, he could do it. So we did it. We dyed my hair this awesome red with violet and it was fun fun fun fun!!!!! You can see it a little bit when I wear a tichel. I mousse my “payos” and feather them against my cheeks and it looks tres hip! It’ll wash out after 20 shampoos. Thank the Lord, ‘cause if my hair doesn’t start growing, I don’t want to leave this world with violet red hair. Next time we’re thinking of doing blue. Life’s a party!!! Later that day Team Chemo loved the rad red sidelocks. We went to Hayden Planetarium. I weigh 3000 pounds on the sun. Good incentive to go on a diet. We saw the new space show “Cosmic Collisions” that we’ve been talking about going to for months already. After it was over all I could say was “how presumptuous – where’s the proof?” Now, I happen to be one of those people that doesn’t have a problem with the age of the universe coinciding with the 15 billion year tag that science has revealed in the recent century. I’ve seen enough sources and met enough Torah scholars who can show that it’s possible from a Torah perspective, but pleeeeeeeeease, to assert that the moon was formed in ONE HOUR from giant rocks orbiting the planet after it was hit by a HUGE meteor, is just a little much for even me. One hour? How in the world could they possibly support that claim? Is that really measurable? Well, the whole thing sparked a very lively debate and threatened to divide our team into warring factions. It was THE hot topic all the way across town and into the parking lot next to Sloan. In the end the Un-Creationists agreed to gather our sources. Chemo went splendidly. I had my blood taken on Monday previously so we didn’t have to wait for them to mix up my drug. Amanda got a good IV going in one shot. It was late though, about 5:30 when we got started. It was going to be a long night. I got lots of hugs from Megan and we had some laughs with Colleen, honorary Team member. This was my last scheduled chemo. It’s been 2 full rounds on the new drug. I have a CT scan next Friday and we’ll have the results the following Wednesday. Can't wait to see what damage the Abraxaine did to my tumors. Please don’t ask me about it. I’ll report when the results are in. Tzvi joined us, and Lisa came to visit. (She was in the US on business) and it was GREAT seeing her since she made aliyah in May. We talked a lot about life in the holy land and I understood more clearly how Eretz Yisrael is only acquired through suffering. It’s not that life there is a life of suffering, it’s not that. All of my many friends who have made the move tell of the pure joy of living there, living the highest life a Jew can life, steeped in holiness in every level. But an American going to Israel has to be ready to go through a purification process that obliterates all the klippos, the shells, of materialism. The more attached to materialism, the more the “suffering” of the purification process. You just can’t be materialistic and happy in Israel. (Maybe you can’t be materialistic and happy anywhere, but we can fool ourselves I guess.) Life there is not about physical stuff. You have to really want spiritual purification to the point that you’re ready, willing and eager to give up all the fat pleasures of America. I’m not ready yet. I know that about myself. But I get it at least, and it’s something to really aspire to. It’s really an amazing spiritual opportunity. I hope I have the chance and the will to put myself on that soul journey in this lifetime. After chemo we headed into Queens to check out the Thai restaurant, but it was closed. We went to K Burger and filled up on lamb burgers, onion rings, fries and salad. Now I weigh 3020 pounds on the sun for sure. Yoni loved my hair. He said I look like a pixie and that I look VERY young. The kids had mixed reactions when they saw me in the morning. Batsheva said “you’re so weird” but her eyes were dancing when she said it and I decided to take it as a compliment. Oriel told me to put my sheitel on. Eliana said I look weird and she really meant it. But whatever. It’s better that they see me taking control of the situation, rather than it controlling me. Less traumatic for them than sudden crew cut and sad Mommy. Yesterday Tsvika and I went through tons of our footage and started to catalog it. It’s the first stage of putting it all together. We went through it really fast, but when we got to this bit where I was cracking up from this crazy story I was reading in an email from Sharon about a guy that had to escape from a date on a Long Island bound train wearing a GAP sweater on his lower half because he had soiled his pants, I cracked up all over again. I can really crack myself up. Doesn’t take much. We still have lots more footage to go through and still more to get. Then we headed to Monsey to interview Rabbi Rietti about our years together running Yeshiva Shaarei Simcha. It was really super seeing him, and the debate about the age of the universe picked up just where we had left it, with Rabbi Rietti adding his most educated perspective on the subject. After the interview Rabbi Rietti shared all the breakthroughs that are happening in the Torah world with regards to the Montessori method. There seems to be lots of sudden growing interest. We’re looking forward to the day soon when Torah education organizations eagerly pursue a learning model that really follows the child and embraces their unfolding developmental needs. I did a bunch of cooking this morning and Yoni’s already made several trips to the store for forgotten ingredients. We’re having lentil soup and chicken tikka with brown basmati rice and roasted broccoli and cauliflower. I made a big cholent and a bunch of salads to go with it for lunch. If there’s time I’ll make a batch of coconut cookies to go with the Indian theme for dinner. A bunch of people asked about the chicken mole. It was divine! The recipe is a little complicated. I’ll try to post it next week. Many many thanks to Rachael for doing all of my grocery shopping for the past two weeks, and to Sue who baked up the most amazing healthy muffins! Thank you to my sister in law, Rachael, for taking my girls on Monday. Blessing everyone for a deep and delicious Shabbos!! With much love, Simcha Esther PS Shany’s Shabbos shiur will be starting 4:00. PPS Oriel and I are taking a break to visit Dad and Fran in N. Carolina from Sunday to Thursday. See you when I get back! PPPS Sorry, out of time (Shabbos is in 2 hours) so no recipes this week. I’ll make it up to you! |
| Friday, February 13, 2009 |
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Dearest Friends, We had a great Shabbos with Sarah. She’s an amazing listener and knows just when to offer her gentle compassion and when to push for hard honest truth. After candlelighting we sat around and talked about everything and things started opening up. I talked about how awesome it had been for me to paint that ceiling tile, and how I need to do more painting as part of my healing journey. I was getting really excited for the first time in weeks. We agreed that I’d start some sort of art therapy journey. Sarah gave me her Tehillas Hashem and my davening was immediately invigorated. I really connect to the Rebbe and to Chabad Chassidus. Dovid and Chaya came for a lively lunch and Motzei Shabbos I hung out at home with the kids. I picked up Dr. Groopman’s book The Anatomy of Hope and found it left me feeling hopeless, so I ditched it. On Sunday morning we took the kids to the library and took out 45 books – mostly kids books – but I found a beautiful art therapy resource book, Kris Karr’s funky Cancer Tips and Mithell Gaynor’s Healing Essence. I was determined to fight my way out of the fog of depression. I also picked up a kids book about a mommy who undergoes cancer treatment. It’s a beautiful book that helps kids deal with the frightening realities of a sick parent. I’ll read it to them next week. We all went to visit Mom on Sunday afternoon and had lunch with her in the dining room. The place is really beautiful, built like a hotel with lots of cozy pretty places to sit and relax. We had a private table nestled between the windowed back wall and the fireplace. There was a woman in a wheelchair at the next table over and she kept emitting the most interesting noises from her rear end and it kept us all in stitches. But the food was great and everyone was full as we made our way up to Mom’s room. We met Jean, Mom’s roommate, and we talked for a bit. When mom was getting tired we shipped out and headed home with the crew. That night we invited the Feuermans, Tzvi, The Comins’ and the Ansbachers for a Tu b’Shvat seder. We had a total of 21 different fruits and barley and wheat. We drank the four cups of wine, ate the fruits in order and then went for the rest. I was very excited about the energy of the day, the aspect of of renewal and rebirth. I felt like I was on the verge of some big rebirth. I was very sad to hear about the passing of Rav Noach. My husband learned at Aish many years ago, and had a special relationship with the Rosh HaYeshiva. Yoni also taught at Aish NY for many years after we were first married. I was following R. Noach’s battle with lung cancer very closely and davening for him every day. I figured that the longer he’d be around, the longer I’d be around. So when he was niftar, it was a bit of a personal shock. I had hoped to meet him when I made it over to Eretz Yisrael. I hope he’s pulling for me in Shamayim. Audacious! Thanks Brad, I like that word to describe me. Whew! I love it!!! I’ve been struggling with two major issues in addition to my health and all seemed to be leaning on each other in a way that I was sure if I took any audacious action in one, then they’d all fall down and I’d die. I was terrified of that, and stuck, stuck, stuck. Well, one got addressed (combination of circumstances and personal will) and instead of my life collapsing, things in all three areas started falling into place. I found myself experiencing clarity, hope, excitement. I worked on letting go of an old disempowering story that wasn’t serving me anymore. When I let it go, I started to discover so much evidence for the opposite – I started to get that there is so much love, so much strength, so much compassion where I kept reading the opposite. I also was left with the courage and passion to make other changes that looked too difficult and scary a week ago. Those changes are already in the works and I feel totally empowered, ready to take on all my fears. A number of people close to me have told me again and again that they have this deep gut feeling that I’m going to be fine. So, just like I let go of that story that wasn’t serving me, I decided to just stand in everyone else’s conviction. My own conviction isn’t so clear. My doubt does me in. So I stood in their reality, and started to get glimmers of possibility, of real life and longevity and I’m getting really excited. Then I had lunch with my mother one day and she told me about her experience the week before in the MRI. She said she went in for 45 minutes and it was horrible. Then they slid her out and said they had to do it again. She reluctantly went in, and spent the entire time davening for me. Then, she said she experienced this big white light surrounding her, and she got a message that I’m going to be fine. And now she’s standing there too, and you can’t beat that. So, dear friends, if you really believe I’m going to make it, please tell me, regularly, because it’s my new mantra. I spent all day Monday and Tuesday alone with the kids. The terror of that would have normally sent me over the edge, but I was really eager to see how I’d do. It was great! I found myself very relaxed and enjoying their company. Any bad behavior was very short lived and they helped each other a lot – even to get over themselves. I’ve been getting up early, jumping out of bed, and ready for my day. This is a new energy and I like it!! I spent a few hours on the first chapter of my book. Elka says it reads great. I’m eager to continue now that I’m back into it. I also met with Ruchama to go over an old manuscript to prepare for publication. Don’t be mad. I saved one text file of Mrs. Galler and she’s being rewritten from a more loving and transformed place. It’s a beautifully written piece and it’d be a shame not to try to publish it. But now I have tons of work to alter the story and combine some of the characters. It’s good to step away sometimes to gain creative objectivity. Well, it’s been a year since I finished the last draft. That’s long enough. Team Chemo this week was replaced by the Love Circle, second tier backups, and we had a lovely time. I drove in with Naama and Atara and we met Ella and Clare when we got into the city. We’d hoped to have a pot party – I mean “paint a pot” party, but the stuff was too expensive, so we went walking. It was a beautiful afternoon. Naama got a bottle of kosher wine and I had some great Camembert that I bought when we went to Fairway. Ella brought Asian pears, and when we settled into Suite 6 at Sloan, the wine and cheese party began. Amanda, my chemo nurse said it was okay as long as I kept hydrating. We ordered tons of Chinese food, shredded crispy chicken, wontons with peanut sauce, hunan chicken and vegetable mei fun. It was terrific with what was left of the wine and “Fried Green Tomatoes”, a great film I’d downloaded from ITunes for the occasion. It was so nice to hang with the girls and watch a chick flick for a change! After chemo we sat in the lobby and watched the rest of the film before heading out into the balmy night. We checked out a couple of cafes, but didn’t trust the kashrus, so we went to Barnes and Noble on Broadway and had our drinks in a circle on the second floor. A few brave men passed through our coffee klatch to get across the aisle. I saw Dr. Gatto yesterday morning and we had a great session. Then I stopped into Whole Foods in Montclair on my way home. And before I even started gathering my produce I ran right into Yocheved Sampson. And boy was I happy to see her!! Yocheved leads an art therapy group in town and I told her that I want to do some art therapy and she thought that was a great idea. I said I want to paint a really really big canvas and she said she did too. Then she said she wanted to work in multimedia and I said I did too. And she has this whole workbook that she’s put together from her classes and I can’t wait to see it. She said she’s been looking for a writer to put it together and we laughed. I’d love to do the workshop and to put it together into a book. There’s very little out there. I checked. So, we’re getting together on Tuesday to start our very very big canvases. We chose a theme “A Celebration of Life”. I’m sure it will be very very healing. And we decided to do a “cleanse” in preparation of the day. We both took on eating only healthy, whole foods from now till then. So far so good! On the way home from Whole Foods I stopped at AC Moore and purchased that chanvas, along with purple blue and lavender glitter glue and decoupage medium. In the car I was blasting Loreena McKennet’s The Visit and I was having an ecstatic experience, overloaded with life and gratitude. I can’t wait to get into the sensorial (and sensuous) experience of expressing myself on canvas. Many thanks to Aidel for the awesome book – Healthy In Mind, Body and Spirit, based on the letters of the Lubavitcher Rebbe. I really feel like the rebbe is rallying for me. Many thanks to Eliana for taking the kids bike riding on Sunday morning – there was no way I could keep them inside in such beautiful weather! Thank you Rachael for procruring my groceries for me – that was a huge chesed! Thank you also to Ruchama for your weekly Shabbos visit. I love when you come by to shmooze! I always am left invigorated and ready to take on life. Thank you to the Ansbachers for the beautiful flowers and Shabbos poetry. Thank you Darcy for bringing me the most beautiful purple tulips! Every time I look at them I think of spring. Many thanks to everyone who helped mom at the hospital, during her move, and then getting her settled in to the rehab. Thank you to all of our wonderful friends for visiting with her. A very big thank you goes to my Love Circle, the beautiful women who are always there for me, call me daily, and never tire of listening when I pour out my heart. You’ve helped me pass through a very difficult moment in my life, and I’m much bigger from it, doing just great! Well done ladies!!!!! I’m all ready for Shabbos with my boys. Yoni is taking the girls to his sister in Monsey for Shabbos. It’ll be nice and quiet here and Akiva and I are all set to challenge each other at Scrabble. Clare said she’d visit Shabbos day. Hopefully Ruchama will stop by, and Atara. If it’s nice out we can go for a walk. So more and more I’m stepping into fear and getting empowered. There was so much that I’d been putting off ‘cause I was too scared to go there. Now I’m doing it all, little by little. I feel a sense of new life. Maybe I’ll live, maybe I’ll die, but at least I have a shot at being fully alive in the meantime. Wishing you a deep and delicious Shabbos!! Love, Simcha Esther PS We’re looking for a babysitter to help cover in our classroom every morning from 9-1 while Iris is out. Call Sara Ringer with any leads. (973)519-0816. PPS We still have a few spots left in our school for next year. Please contact Sara Ringer for more info. 973-519-0816. |
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