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| Friday, March 20, 2009 |
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Hey Everyone, The lamb shanks were OUT OF THIS WORLD! One of the best Shabbos meals I’ve ever made. And according to my guests, the baklava was the best they’ve ever tasted. Must have been the combination of walnuts, almonds and pistachios that I so lovingly pulverized. There’s not much to share about this week. I started my Pesach cleaning. Well, let’s be very straight about it, it’s spring cleaning. You know, the kind of stuff that I always want to get to, and use Pesach as an excuse to make myself crazy over. But this year I’m just taking it in stride, working my way through the rooms at a nice leisurely pace, and getting rid of the accumulated junk. I’ll stop the Friday before, wherever I get to. I will not let myself get crazy over spring/Pesach cleaning ever again. It is so not worth it. In reality, Pesach cleaning shouldn’t be as bad as we make it. It’s the internal cleaning that matters most. We’ll find the physical chometz during the bedika if there's any left. It’s not like we picnic all over the house anyway! Wouldn’t that be fun, though? I think it’s the annual Pesach clean that keeps us from living on the edge the rest of the year – the way that kids like to live on the edge. That reminds me, I have to be extra careful in the playroom and under their beds. But us stodgy old folks keep it pretty under control in the kitchen, the dining room, and very occasionally in bed. But not like there’s a secret stash of chocolate hiding under my pillow – no, eating in bed is a very dignified matter when it comes to it. All careful, balancing bowls of popcorn, plates of cookies and whatever, so that the crumbs go directly into my mouth. Never between the sheets. That just feels too weird. As for the internal cleaning, I’m doing sssslllliiiightlllly better in the impatience/frustration deparment. Just noticing it when it’s happening is already a big accomplishment. I had a reaaaaallly awful morning with the kids on Thursday and I felt terrible afterwards. The worst mommy in the world. That was me. Then I saw my daughter’s report, left on the kitchen counter, that was already a week overdue. And I decided to bring it to her. In Monsey. Forty minutes away. It was my peace offering. And then there was the science fair. Well, the girls were soooooo happy to see me there – Eliana didn’t let go of my hand from the moment she saw me. We left school early and hit the kosher Dunkin’ Donuts on Route 59. BIIIIIIG peace offering. It was fun and we got home with plenty of daylight left for roller skating. I made a yummy minestrone soup and potato pastilles for dinner and everyone was happy. Bedtime went smoothly for the first time in a week. We had a wall built dividing the kids room and they’ve been spending the week trying to find ways to push the boundaries. A wall is a pretty serious boundary. The first night they were up till 9:45 running from the girls side to the boys side and through the house. At 9:30 I gave up, went into my room, locked the door, and let them fend for themselves. Five minutes later they were all in their beds. No fun when Mommy doesn’t play their game. The next night they were up till 9:30, taking turns waking each other up and getting everyone all hyped up. I wasn’t home on Wednesday, but I heard that it was pretty crazy here. As I said, last night was the first peaceful bedtime all week. I never thought we’d have that again. Mornings are still hell with the girls, but now I have hope that it will all settle down. I saw Dr. Gatto on Tuesday and I realized that for the most part I’ve been replacing my negative and fearful thoughts with my positive mantra. The more I do it, the more it penetrates. And more than before, I’ve been living my life like I’m going to live. Still some room to grow in that department, but I’m pretty established on the road. And you know, given that none of us really knows when we’re going to leave this world, isn’t it better to fully live every moment that we’re given here? We got to Sloan on Wednesday and I gave my blood sample, only to find out two hours later that my white count is too low for treatment. Not to waste a perfectly beautiful day, we headed over to the Palisades Parkway for a drive in the country. It really was a gorgeous day and I wasn’t so sad that I didn’t get my weekly infusion. I’ll go back Monday to try again. I’m davening for success, ‘cause Yoni’s surgery is Tuesday and I don’t see how I’ll be able to get away for a day. I worked out with Atara on Thursday (before the Monsey guilt trip) and it felt really good to push my muscles. Atara is the best and we always have a good laugh together. I finished my Shabbos cooking – pot roast (from Purim), roasted cauliflower with garlic and olive oil, steamed broccoli, roasted red and yellow beets, sautéed beet greens, roasted olives, garlic and tomatoes and a big bison cholent. Love those veggies! Akiva made a deal with me last night and listed all the things he’s going to do to earn a trip to the new Yankees stadium for a big game against the Indians after Pesach. The contract includes eating his veggies. Dangling carrots really works. He ate two bowls of minestrone last night and we’ll see what he picks from the Shabbos fare. Have a blessed Shabbos!! Much love, SE Minestrone From Food Network Kitchens (6-8 main-course servings) 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil 1 medium Spanish onion, chopped 3 medium carrots, chopped 2 celery stalks (with leaves), chopped 5 cloves garlic, chopped 1/2 medium zucchini, chopped 1/4 head Savoy cabbage (about 9 ounces), cored and shredded 7 drained whole, peeled, canned tomatoes, roughly chopped 9 cups chicken or vegetable broth 1/3 cup tubetti or other small pasta, such as orzo, or broken spaghetti 1 can cannellini beans (about 16 ounces), with liquid 2 tablespoons finely chopped flat-leaf parsley 3 tablespoon minced fresh marjoram 1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan, plus more (optional) Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper Heat the oil in a large pot over medium-high heat and add the onion, carrots, celery, and garlic. Lower the heat to medium and cook, covered, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are somewhat soft, about 15 minutes. Add the zucchini and cook, covered, stirring occasionally, for 3 minutes. Add the cabbage and cook, uncovered, stirring, until wilted, about 3 minutes more. Stir in the tomatoes and broth and bring to a boil. Stir in the pasta, lower to a simmer, and cook until the pasta is tender, about 10 minutes. In a small bowl, mash half of the beans with a fork. Add the mashed and whole beans to the soup and cook, stirring, about 3 minutes. Remove the soup from the heat and stir in the herbs and cheese. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Divide among warm soup bowls and sprinkle with Parmesan. Serve immediately with more cheese for passing at the table. |
| Friday, March 13, 2009 |
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Hey All, Thank you so much for all of your messages over the week. It feels great to experience such deep levels of connection. But, as good as the news last week was, and as great as I’m feeling, I beg you all to keep davening. We’re nowhere near out of the dark and I need all the segulos I can get. Great week! Atara came for dinner last Shabbos and we had a totally fun time, really got into the spirit of Adar. Thanks a zillion to the A’s, who are back from the Holy Land, and surprised me with a bouquet of Shabbos flowers. We missed you!!! My brother Michael came with my niece to visit Motzei Shabbos and after running a few more errands for the Purim seuda, we all met up at Mom’s house. I was starving so we got back in the car and headed to Poppy’s in Teaneck for THE BEST pizza ever! Yum!!! We got up very early Sunday morning (and it felt even earlier since the clock change) to make it to Monsey in time for Eliana’s Chumash presentation. Friends saved us front row seats and I cried my eyes out. Couldn’t help it. Rites of passage do me in and the tears just flowed and flowed. The girls were adorable and Eliana remembered her lines and all the songs. I took tons of pictures. Many thanks to R. Fink, Mrs. Lidsky, Morah Miriam, Mrs. Wingate and Morah Ruthie on a spectacular job. We’ll remember the day forever. We finished up our Purim shopping at Rockland Kosher/Monsey Glatt, whatever it’s called, and made it just in time to pick up Akiva’s yeshiva carpool. Batsheva and Eliana passed out hamentashen to all the boys and we drove home with a car very full of rowdy kids. When we got home I baked lemon poppyseed muffins for our shalach manos, and chocolate mud cake and dozens of challah rolls for the seuda. So much for keep it simple. I was throwing a party, and it was going to be great! Irene Victor came over with a big bag of commemorative t-shirts from the original Woodstock, two strands of authentic love beads, and an ancient Crosby, Stills and Nash album. Wow! We started talking about 60’s music and she told me she still had the original tickets from her first Beatles concert – on August 14, 1966 – MY BIRTHDAY! We felt very connected after that. I tie dyed fabric squares in the morning on Taanis Esther before the kids came home early from school. Yoni tie dyed one of his Shabbos shirts and I did a t-shirt. A few of the Goldsmiths hung out with us for the afternoon and I shlepped six kids with me to pick up the karaoke stuff and then to the dollar store and to the liquor store for wine. I must have been crazy. But I just kept bribing them along. And it worked. I went to hear Megillas Esther that night at the Weldlers and Tsvika filmed some of it. When I got home Yoni and I put together our shalach manos. Months ago I saw these plastic pitchers in the dollar aisle at Target and I was struck with the idea – When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade! It was a year of lemonade. We put a lemon poppy seed muffin, some lemon tea, lemonheads candy, lemon seltzer and a real live lemon (organic, of course) inside the pitchers to give to our friends and neighbors. Hope everyone liked it. I thought it was funny. In the morning we all dressed up before heading off to hear the Megillah at the Ahavas. I went into my closet to find something appropriate for a hippie costume, and I discovered that much of my wardrobe is retro 60’s. It was hard to choose! I had my denim skirt, a tie-dyed baby doll shirt/dress that I picked up on one of our road trips to Legends on Tinker Street, a long curly wig, some John Lennon sunglasses, those great love beads, some Birkenstock looking sandals and a happy face string bracelet. I doused myself in patchouli. I pretty much resembled myself. Did anyone notice the costume? I hung a replica of the real Woodstock poster on my door, put our big black bear out on the porch and burned some incense to create the right mood. The karaoke machine didn’t work. Good thing I made a 60’s play list the day before. A heavily bearded rabbi came to collect money for his cause and he was quite taken with the motif. He told me that the peace sign is half the sign of the kohanim. He was a hippie back in the day. The party was called for 2:30, but most folks showed up closer to 4. No worries! We strung our own love beads for a while and applied groovy tattoos to our children. When I put the food out everyone started arriving. If you serve it they will come! The wine was flowing pretty freely. Lots of wine. Everyone was really happy. The food was good. We had fun. My tie dyed table covers were a big hit. The kids got into the shalach manos before I had a chance to go through it and they were pretty hopped up on sugar for about 24 hours straight. I did manage to sort it all the next morning and separate everything into categories. I kept a small stash of candy for Shabbos treats and gave away the rest of the sugar. Whew! Close call. Well, now that Purim is over I can’t wait to start on my Pesach cleaning. Everywhere I look there’s junk. I’m looking forward to streamlining. I’m thinking a lot about the inner junk that I’d like to toss out with the chometz. Like, impatience and frustration. Believe me when I tell you that it would be a different home here if I could pull that off. I had chemo at the end of the day on Shushan Purim and I was worried that the alcohol levels in my blood would throw off my counts, but miraculously, my counts were really good! I'm thinking of starting a round of alcohol therapy. My white blood cells are actually normal. It did take about 6 pokes to get a decent IV going though. My veins are getting tired from all the IVs and I started to worry that they’ll get on my case to have a mediport surgically installed. I’ve been avoiding that. Very strange. Very awful. Amanda told me to hydrate a lot and squeeze a ball a lot the day before chemo. It makes the veins pop. I Googled mediports and found out that they make them totally differently these days. Totally under the skin, you barely know it's there. I felt like it was a miracle just for me and I had a good cry. If I have to have one I think it won't be so bad after all. But I'll start squeezing the ball anyway. On Thursday Tsvika and I went to Hackensack Hospital to film. Nancy, the PR person, accompanied us to an interview with Stephanie and then to Radiation Oncology where Tsvika got some good footage of my painted tile being installed in the ceiling over the radiation table. It was great seeing Elizabeth again! What an awesome team. They made such huge difference when I was a patient there. Stephanie asked how the kids are doing. I told her that one of the kids is in purposeful denial. I got a call from her principal about a week ago to let me know that her teacher asked my daughter if they could have me in mind for their davening. Well, this child of mine told her teacher that I’m all better, that I don’t need any more tefilos. I asked my daughter about it one morning while we were cuddling in bed together and she said she was just embarrassed. When I pressed further she cupped the side of my head and pulled her hand straight up – “I need to change your cd”, she said. “You need to put in Hello Kitty”. I laughed and started up again and she said “Oh, that cd still isn’t working, we have to take it out.” And she did. Stephanie thought that was a very clever way for her to solve her problem, and said that I shouldn’t try to correct her. I should just tell her that I’m impressed with her creative problem solving. That took a big load off. The kids really are doing great, living their lives, pretty oblivious. I put in a long day of cooking today for Shabbos, finally made the Greek stuff. I made avogolemono (a really yummy, totally easy, Greek lemon soup), lamb shanks with garlic, Greek potatoes, baklava and a bunch of veggies. Looks and smells really good! Naama is coming, and the Ansbachers are with us for lunch. Can’t wait to eat! Please note that Shany’s shiur will start at 5:30. Have an awesome Shabbos!!! Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins, from Baking From My Home to Yours, by Dorie Greenspan 2/3 cup sugar grated zest and juice of 1 lemon 2 cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup sour cream (or Tofutti pareve sour cream) 2 large eggs 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1 stick (8 tablespoons) unsalted butter, melted and cooled (or Earth’s Best pareve stuff) 2 tablespoons poppy seeds Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 400F. Butter or spray the 12 molds in a regular-size muffin pan or fit the molds with paper muffin cups. In a large bowl, rub the sugar and lemon zest together with your fingertips until the sugar is moist and the fragrance of lemon strong. Whisk in the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. In a large glass measuring cup or another bowl, whisk the sour cream, eggs, vanilla, lemon juice and melted butter together until well blended. Pour the liquid ingredients over the dry ingredients and, with the whisk or a rubber spatula, gently but quickly stir to blend. Don't worry about being thorough - a few lumps are better than over mixing the batter. Stir in the poppy seeds. Divide the batter evenly among the muffins cups. Bake for 18 to 20 minutes, or until the tops are golden and a thin knife inserted into the center of the muffins comes out clean. Transfer the pan to a rack and cool for 5 minutes before carefully removing each muffin from its mold. Chocolate Mud Cake, from Cooks.com CAKE: 1 c. butter (or Earth’s Best), softened 2 c. granulated sugar 4 eggs, at room temp. 1 tsp. vanilla 1 1/2 c. flour 1/3 c. unsweetened cocoa ICING: 1/3 c. unsweetened cocoa 3 c. powdered sugar 1/2 c. butter (or Earth’s Best), melted 4-5 tbsp. milk (or Soy Milk) 1/2 c. chopped pecans Spray 13x9 inch baking pan with non-stick spray; set aside. In large bowl, beat on high butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well. Stir in vanilla. In medium bowl, combine flour and cocoa; fold into butter. Spread batter into prepared pan. Bake 25-30 minutes at 350 degrees until toothpick comes out clean. Cool slightly. For topping, in medium bowl, combine cocoa and powdered sugar. Stir in butter and enough milk to make a thick glaze. Spread over warm cake. (The heat from the cake will melt glaze slightly.) Sprinkle with pecans. Cool completely before cutting Avgolemono, from Seriouseats.com (serves 4-6) 6 cups chicken stock, preferably homemade 1/2 cup orzo pasta, or rice 3 egg yolks ¼ cup fresh lemon juice Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste 1. Bring stock to a boil and add orzo or rice. Simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. Season stock to taste with salt, if necessary. 2. When the orzo or rice is finished, whisk 2 cups hot soup into the egg/juice mixture, then add the mixture back into the pot, whisking to incorporate. Be careful not to bring to a boil when reheating. Season with freshly ground pepper. Serve hot or cold. Greek Garlic Lamb Shanks 2 lamb shanks 1 head garlic, cloves peeled,large ones halved 3/4 cup dry red wine (or so) 2 tablespoons dried oregano, to taste 2 tablespoons dried mint, to taste extra virgin olive oil (for drizzling) salt and pepper, to taste Trim most visible fat from shanks. Cut slits 1/2" wide and deep all over shanks, as many as possible. Stuff garlic cloves into slits, lengthening or deepening them as needed. Drizzle or rub extra virgin olive oil over shanks, trying to get the oil into the slits with the garlic. (Recipe may be made in advance to this point. Cover and refrigerate for up to 1 day) Put shanks in a broiler-safe pan (I use a low rack in a pyrex dish) and broil on both sides until meat sizzles and browns, about 6- 7 minutes per side. Remove shanks from oven, and turn it down to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. Pour red wine over shanks, and distribute 1 T each mint and oregano over both sides of each shank. Sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper. Cover pan with aluminum foil, return to oven, and bake for approximately 2 to 2 1/2 hours, basting every 40 minutes or so. When done, you can pour drippings into small pan and boil until slightly thickened while lamb rests, to serve alongside. Baklava, from Simplyrecipes.com For the baklava: 1 lb. of chopped nuts (almonds, walnuts, or pistachios are best, or use a combination of them) 1 lb of phyllo dough 1 cup of butter (or Earth's Best), melted 1/3 cup of sugar 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon 1/3 teaspoon of ground cloves For the syrup: 1 cup of water 1 cup of sugar 1/2 cup of honey 2 tablespoons of lemon juice 1 cinnamon stick Finely ground pistachios for garnish (optional) Lightly grease a 9x13 pan and set the oven to 350°F. Thaw the phyllo dough according to manufacturer's directions (this may take overnight). When thawed, roll out the dough and cut the dough in half so the sheets will fit in the pan. Cover with a damp towel to keep it from drying out. Process the nuts until in small, even sized pieces. Combine with sugar, cinnamon, and cloves. In a separate bowl, melt the butter in the microwave. Place a sheet of phyllo dough into the pan. Using a pastry brush, brush the phyllo sheet with melted butter. Repeat 7 more times until it is 8 sheets thick, each sheet being "painted" with the butter. Spoon on a thin layer of the nut mixture. Cover with two more sheets of phyllo, brushing each one with butter. Continue to repeat the nut mixture and two buttered sheets of phyllo until the nut mixture is all used up. The top layer should be 8 phyllo sheets thick, each sheet being individually buttered. Do not worry if the sheets crinkle up a bit, it will just add more texture. Cut into 24 equal sized squares using a sharp knife. Bake at 350°F for 30-35 minutes or until lightly golden brown, and edges appear slightly crisp. While baking, make the syrup. Combine the cinnamon stick, sugar, lemon juice, honey, and water in a saucepan. Bring to a boil, then reduce to medium low heat and let simmer for 7 minutes and slightly thickened. Remove the cinnamon stick and allow to cool. Spoon the cooled syrup over the hot baklava and let cool for at least 4 hours. Garnish with some finely crushed pistachios of desired. |
| Thursday, March 12, 2009 |
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FRIDAY, MARCH 06, 2009 02:39 PM, CST Dearest Friends, Dr. Krug was VERY happy to report that everything is stable – the scans showed no new growth – and it’s been three months. So, BH, we found a drug that works. And with practically no side effects! I’m sure that everyone’s prayers, segulos and great attitude did much to help the drug do its work. Dr. Krug said he hopes that I’ll be on this drug for a very very very very long time. I said amein. Then I told him that my hair didn’t fall out like he said it would and a few other things didn’t happen like he said they would. He said he was surprised. I said he should prepare himself for many more surprises. (Yup, my cool red crew cut seems to be staying firmly attached to my head. I keep pulling it to check.) I’ve been sticking to my diet (except for chemo/scan results day) and I’m feeling good about myself in that department. It’s been almost a week. It’s very great to get back in control. I’ve been taking my herbs three times every day too. I feel myself getting back into the healthy lifestyle that I was so religiously committed to last year. Yes, last year. It’ll be a year a few days after Purim. And what a year it’s been! I’ve grown more in this one year than I have in most of my years of life. It’s been wild and wonderful. What has this crazy cancer taught me? That first night, laying in the dark, too terrified to fall asleep, I had this thought. I wanted to meet the me that Hashem created me to be. And that gave me a powerful mission to cling to when everything else was crumbling around me. I knew that the experience had the power to transform me in ways that I couldn’t transform myself. So, I followed the unfolding road, the journey that I knew I was meant to travel. I’ve accomplished a lot. I fixed dozens of severed, broken and damaged relationships with friends, family, my community and with G-d. I let go of debilitating anger and resentment. I learned to step boldly and bravely into fear. I learned to live from joy. I learned to let myself receive love and to love. I picked up the pieces of my past and reclaimed lost parts of myself. I experienced breakthroughs in creativity and self expression. I let my life touch others, and I let myself be touched in return. I recognized what’s not me and let things go. I learned to live in the moment, present to the NOW of life. I learned to let go and go with the flow. I learned to trust G-d, to know that He is in charge, and that it’s all for my highest good. I have begun to come into balance. There is integrity to my life. I am all here. All of my parts are becoming integrated. I feel my life making the unique difference that I was always meant to make. I am filled with gratitude for the gift of this year. And the journey continues! I can’t wait to see where Hashem takes me, where I’m supposed to go. Many thanks and kudos to Carol Unger for her beautifully written article in this month’s Jewish Action. I cried and I laughed. What could be better than that? Check it out if you haven’t seen it yet. There’s a pretty good photo of me for those of you who never met me in person. We’re getting ready for Purim these days. Last Sunday the whole family went to Kosher Konnection and loaded a wagon to overflowing with things for shalach manos. The kids went nuts gathering junk for their friends. When they appeared with a wagon full of bottles of blue powerade we had to draw the line. Then we came home and started planning everyone’s costumes. Let’s see, we have one small knight in shining armor, one medium policewoman, one petite princess and a big guy with a cap gun. Me? It’s a surprise, but we’re planning a big Woodstock revival with 25 of our close friends. Groovy! We didn’t get hit with as much snow as they were predicting on Monday, but the kids were home nevertheless. So, I cooked. Fifteen pounds of pot roast. It’ll go great with the sautéed mixed mushrooms and chocolate brownies. You get the drift. The karaoke machine is coming on Monday, specially loaded with a bunch of tracks straight out of Yasgers Farm. Feel free to stop by, but you better be in costume and ready to perform. Between 4 and 7 is probably best, but hey, it’s Purim. Anything goes. I worked out with Atara on Tuesday. Yes, a year can cause lot of damage to one’s muscle tone. What a bummer to have to start all over again! But it was fun hanging with Atara, as always. Thanks mucho Soul Sista! Before we headed out to Sloan on Wednesday I had a session with Dr Gatto. That’s the way to do it! He prepped me for any news re: the scan and I had two really cool insights. One, I realized that I could let go of any negative story about my prognosis. You know, it’s all a story. One version is made up by statisticians and doctors. I can choose whatever version I want. Whatever empowers me. So I decided to give up the blah blah blah that I’m gonna die. I can give it up. And when I get hooked in by the scientific babble, I can say “hey thanks for sharing!” and get on with things. The other awesome insight I had was that I could live my life as if I’m going to live. That is, to make choices, take actions, consistent with that. I could make a ten year plan, a 75 year plan even, and I can get to work on manifesting the details of the plan. It’s a whole new perspective. We got to MSK all jazzed for the day. I found that I wasn’t worried at all about the results. Dr. Krug’s nurse came in to tell me my white counts were low from Friday’s blood draw. She told me to get another draw down the hall while they waited ‘cause they couldn’t give me chemo that day unless the counts were up. And I knew it was all good. They wouldn’t be giving me another dose if not. So, I happily trotted down the hall to the lab with Ella in tow and gave my donation. The counts were nice. I rebound fast! And we saw our old friend from the wine and cheese chemo party with the ladies. He offered us lunch from Mendy’s. Thanks, but we were planning lunch at Café K. We headed back to the exam room and passed the nurses. They asked how I was doing. I said I was GREAT. They said “Wow! So what are you doing here?” And I said “yeah, I keep asking myself the same question!!” After we met with Dr. Krug and he gave us the good news, Tsvika filmed my conversation with Yoni about it all. I told Yoni about my insights of the morning and he said “Only Hashem knows the real story”. So we came up with our own story, to empower me moving forward, and here it is - I’ll die when I’m darned good and ready! It felt good, really good to stand there. Yoni reminded me that’s it’s been a year since I was diagnosed. A year of real happiness and making people happy. I said, no, it’s joy, real joy. And I realized then that joy is available all the time, in the light moments and in the dark moments. And I’ve been experiencing the deepest most ecstatic joy when I reach for it from inside the darkness. My soul just wants to fly. It’s a huge spiritual victory to turn dark into light. G-d created the light in the already existing dark. We can do that too! The dark can serve us, it reminds us to search for the light. In everything there is potential for light. For me, it’s always in the opportunities for insight and growth, and the greatest opportunities for that are always in the dark moments. So see, the darker the dark, the greater the possibility for light. Look for the growth opportunities in the challenges and then grasp onto them like your life depends on it. Because maybe real life, real living does! Let yourself experience the joy of transformation. It’s like a huge power surge of life. Yoni had to go home to meet the kids after school and give them dinner. Ella, Tsvika and I headed out for lunch and I went to tell my friend at the reception desk in case they were looking for me. He knows me by name – a lot of the staff do, they’re like family already. I left my laptop with him and asked what time I should be back for the chemo. He said, “Just go out. Have fun. Be back no later than 4:30. We’ll call you on your cell when your drug is ready.” I mentioned lunch and Dave and Busters and he said, “Wow I LOVE Dave and Busters!” And the girl sitting behind him looked over at me and added, “You’re so cute!” We really are a lively bunch. Full of life. We bring that energy everywhere we go. We bring life to the world. Awesome!!! Out on the street I experienced East 53rd street a whole new way. Like an ‘I’ll be around for a long time to enjoy this’ kind of way. It’s intense to experience life in the moment all the time – with the immediate consciousness of the transience of it all. Standing in my new story I could relax some, take it in, enjoy it in a more chilled way. It’s a new story – a tough story – cause there are so many opinions that beg to differ – and those opinions are well educated and highly paid so it’s really challenging to dismiss them. I have to fight with my thoughts to keep standing in this story. But I can fight. Maybe it’s really a simple thing to do – just thank the disempowering thoughts for sharing – and think an empowering thought in its’ place. Sounds easy. Maybe it is. Every day there are lots of opportunities to flex the muscle. I had a gigormic salad at Café K. I’ve been so good! Eating really clean, whole foods, no contraband. But we had to celebrate the good results, so we hit the Duane Reade downstairs from Sloan on our way back (no time for D&Bs) and headed straight for the chocolate aisle. We couldn’t agree on one – Ella likes milk, Tsvika and I both like dark, one of us said let’s take 2, but we each grabbed one, so it became, “okay, let’s take 3!” And I also grabbed a box of Walkers shortbread cookies, and Tsvika took some potato poppers, and everything looked so gooooood! We had lots of fun and there was much laughing. This French guy was waiting on line and he said “I like to see zee people who are happy.” He was on his way to a meeting. I asked him where. He said NYU. I said “Hey! We all went to NYU!” He would never believe the meeting we were all on our way to, would he? Heading up to the 9th floor at 160 East 53rd Street we started planning for dinner, of course. We agreed on Queens. Thai. And that weird ice cream place. Not in that order, of course. I said I wanted gefilte fish ice cream. Tsvika said he was having beer flavored ice cream. Ella said we were making her want to vomit. I wondered out loud if they had vomit flavored ice cream. I got yelled at by the team for making the other passengers sick, but as the doors opened they thanked us for making them laugh. Heading for the chemotherapy suite all the nurses were asking us about Dave and Busters. So, the word got out! We’ll have to have a partay at D&B. Maybe Dr. Krug will come and we’ll get him on camera. That would be fun fun fun!! Inside the chemo suite we saw our friend and asked how his Mendy’s lunch was. He said it was great. We offered him some chocolate, some cookies, some potato poppers, but he was on a diet. They put us in Suite 6, my favorite. It’s the big, cheerful corner space with room for lots of visitors. Colleen was my designated nurse, but the others all stopped in eventually. We’re the life of the party. It must be pretty boring around there when we’re not around. Colleen’s great and once we were dripping away (leaking is more like it, the chemo stuff moves so slooooowly!) we settled in to the eating of the chocolate. We got some awesome cappuccino from the coffee bar next door and the shortbreads were gone in no time. Did I eat ten shortbread cookies by myself?????? No way! Ella must have 8 or 9. I hope. Tsvika was on sugar, but off carbs. So I couldn’t pin the blame on him. My brother David came to hang with us for a while and we almost got to see Clare and Atara, but they were partay poopers and couldn’t make it in the end. Maybe next time. After the healing liquid we drove to Queens in search of dinner and with hopes of visiting the Ohel. We went to look for the Thai place – but it was closed, again. We got out to look at the sign on the door. “Closed by Order of the Department of Physical and Mental Hygiene.” Hmmmmmmm. Thank G-d we were saved! The weird ice cream place was closed too. No beer merlot or cholent ice cream for us. Oh well. Yoni met us for dinner at Hapisgah before we all headed home. I fell asleep as soon as I got into my seatbelt. I got up early yesterday to get the kids ready for school but I really wanted to climb right back into bed. I did in the end, Eliana’s bed looked so cozy I couldn’t resist. Somehow I managed to get everyone out the door dressed, fed, somewhat groomed and on time. Then I got back into my own bed and slept till 9:45. I had a 9:00 meeting with Eric Ackland about an article he’s working on about me and Montessori. I was grateful he was stuck on the bus. We had a great meeting. He’s a terrific writer and I can’t wait to see the finished piece. Mom is doing very well. She had the soft cast removed and she’s experiencing a lot of freedom for the first time in a month. We went to Whole Foods together. It’s been a long long time since we’ve been out in the world together. It was really nice. Then I came home and took a nap. I guess I do get kind of tired the day after chemo. And I’ve been feeling so overwhelemed, with Shabbos, Purim and Pesach in the air. It’s a lot. I must keep things to a minimum. Yoni is having hernia surgery and won’t be able to help much. So, keep it simple, keep it simple, keep it simple is the only way to go. Anyone want to help lug Pesach stuff down from the attic? I hired my regular Pesach cleaning lady to come Sunday before. She does the kitchen top to bottom, inside and out, and some of the other heavy stuff – dining room table, chairs, etc. I simplified my Shabbos cooking this week. No Greek this week. Maybe next week. Oh boy, I enjoyed that nap! I was making dinner with Oriel last night and we were checking broccoli. He pulled up a chair (he always pulls up a chair – at the end of the day there could be chairs parked everywhere all over the kitchen) and gazed into the bowl of salt water. He said “I see lots of bugs walking around.” “No that’s broccoli”, I answered. “It’s broccoli bugs. I see a cricket”, he replied. He really is awfully creative. I was really tired last night. I left Yoni with the kids to give them dinner and went back to bed. After nap number two, Darcy came by and I had a fabooooolous massage. She bought new white flannel sheets with purple flowers just for me. I feel so loved!!!!!! Blessings for a scrumptious Shabbos and a blissfully happy Purim! With much love, Simcha Esther |
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