Happy Birthday to me!! Today is my secular birthday and a yummy cake arrived at my door first thing this morning. Later on in the day I got the coolest pair of turquoise high top sneakers with hot pink laces from Mom. I was hoping for those funky shoes!!!! I’m 43 can you believe it? It’s true, even though I act like I’m twelve sometimes. Mom made everyone’s favorite chili recipe and some yummy thing that Raizy makes often for this extra special Shabbos.

My head is spinning from the CT scan results that I got on Wednesday, and I want to just crawl inside my shell and hide. I wish I could do that really, but I can’t. So, here it is. Stuff is growing again in my bones and lungs, not a lot, but some. Enough for Dr. Krug to change my drugs again. And now small tumors are showing up in my liver too. And Dr. Krug has put the warning out there for me that all the chemo that I’ve gotten over the past year will eventually accumulate into a necessary end to all chemo. I’m trying to look at it another way. I started drug number eight on Wednesday. Eight in Judaism is a very important number. It’s the day of bris milah, it’s the number of days of pesach, it’s the number of nights of Chanukah, it’s miracles. It’s the number above nature. And that’s what I need right now. A big fat miracle. Outside of nature. Direct from the One Above. And so, for my real birthday, on 28 Av, and every day even, I beg you all to pray for me. To pray for that miracle. I have so much left to do!! We all could use a miracle, individually and as a people. Let’s believe in miracles together! I don’t feel like talking much bout my individual situation. Let’s talk about all of us together, one klal, fighting a big and scary battle called life. I think I’ll deal with it better if I know we’re in this together, consciously holding tight to one another on the spiritual plane.

I’m not devastated by this new news, though I should be given human nature. I guess I really believe in miracles. And if a miracle doesn’t come, then that’s a miracle too. G-d’s answer just to my piece of the story. And you. Because we are all in this together. And one day we’ll all be together again, in Shamayim, celebrating the Great Purpose of it all. But now, it’s fight time. Please fight with me. With prayer, with good deeds, with Ahavas Yisrael.

Have a holy and very high Shabbos!

Much love,

Simcha Esther

Last Shabbos was YUMMMYYYYYY! My little family ate almost all of the chicken stew and lunch was great from Rivka Goldman. Ruchama visited with her mom Lily on Shabbos morning. I LOVE Lily. She’s a vibrant, exciting, energetic Moroccan Jewish Mama, my favorite!!!!! She made me preserved lemons after Shabbos and we’re planning to cook together next time she’s in town. By the time they’re done I’ll surely be ready to cook again We’ll film it for our next documentary, an international collection of great cooks and me, learning their recipes and techniqes, and learning about their family’s Jewish experiences in the countries that they grew up in. Whaddya think? It was going to be a book, but I’m seeing that nothing is getting written. So if you know any fabulous, really awesome international cooks who have experiences to share, send me their info. I can’t wait to cook. I miss my recipes. Mom is making a good one for Shabbos dinner. My whole family loves it! Lamb chops and veal chops cooked slowly with rosemary, tomato and garlic. The whole gets caramelized and succulent by the time it’s done. Yumm! It smells so good! I’m getting hungry.

Clare and I drove up to Woodstock on Monday. It was so relaxing. We just stopped along the way whenever we felt the whim. Of course, I had a pretty good idea what the options were, but we were very laid back about it. We stopped for cheese, fruit and veggies at Trader Joe’s on the way and picked up a multigrain baguette from Bread Alone – where almost everything is kosher! But I didn’t mention the Starbucks iced latte with a tiny shot of caramel syrup (decaf, of course, with an extra shot) that we really enjoyed in the car. Anyway, from Bread Alone we went to Phoenicia and took the mountain road straight up to one of my favorite spots – Devil’s Tombstone – it’s this gorgeous mountain pond surrounded by tall trees and there are beautiful rock formations in the “pond” (turns out the water is 4 inches at the deepest point). And the whole scene is reflected in the water, so you see these two images of the trees and the mountains facing each other – one in the water, and one in “reality”. We stopped there. There were a handful of people there. And we got a picnic table right opposite the big rock and right where we had the most perfect view, and we ate our baguette, with chevre and cheddar, and organic apricots, and white peaches, and baby carrots, and it was so peaceful. Clare and I took some really great photos for my website.

After lunch we drove back down the mountain and went to the kaleidoscope store. I had a good time looking at the really expensive kaleidoscopes, and Clare got some great pics for the website. The shops there are beautiful and we found some bargains. I found a really cute straw hat with a ribbon band on the inside to prevent sweating and itching, very important with a straw hat, and Clare found some fabu costume jewels. Very fun.

Then we drove into Woodstock and got some more great shots outside the Tinker Street Cinema. This photo will be for the Film Festivals page. I think we missed the Woodstock Film Festival, bummer. But the photo is funny. Cause the place is so quaint and tiny. Then we went to Legends, my favorite hippie store, and I DIDN”T BUY ANYTHING! But we got some more good shots, for the Retail Therapy page.  It was a productive day, and the weather couldn’t have been better. I needed that more than I knew! Just to move my body out in nature. Whew! It was fun.

I went for follow up CT scans on Wednesday with Yocheved. It’s always emotionally stressful getting these scans, but at least we only had to go to Basking Ridge, not Manhattan. MSK has a facility out there. It’s in the middle of nowhere, and it’s sleek and carefully designed with the designer in mind. It’s weird. I feel like I walked straight into that movie Coma. It’s too quiet and perfect. Yocheved had a great time redecorating the place for life. Plants would go a long way. Living things. And a fish tank. Yes, that would make a huge difference amidst all the stainless steel and glass. But the people are really great and my nurse was the best. She always hugs me as the contrast is going in, until the last possible second, and she reminds me that I’m so strong. And this time I cried, because I was so stressed out between the MRI, the CT scans and a million other things. And she cried with me. And it was all very good and cleansing.I get the results next week. Please don’t ask me.

We got the MRI results. Mom and Yoni accompanied to Dr. Ingenito. Well, when we saw him he said he still hadn’t gotten the results comparing the new scan with the previous one. He went to call them to see if they could send it then, and in the meantime he went over what he had from them. It was the current scan, with contrast and without and he said that it showed no change to the spots with the contrast. (Apparently it sort of lights up with the contrast if there’s activity.) The fax came and confirmed that there is no activity. The stuff still shows up in my brain, but he thinks it all dead tissue, or scar tissue. Now it’s just scan every 6 months and pray that nothing starts to get crazy up there. Dr. Ingenito said it’s extremely rare that stuff will disappear. He said patients like that are rare in every way. Well, hmmmmm.

Mom and I had lunch at Rabica and I kept letting the news settle in. It took a long time to get that these were really good results, probably the best I could hope for. So we had fancy coffee and dessert at LaZBean. They have this chocolate and coffee frozen fantasy with whipped cream, and chocolate and caramel ribbons. Decaf of course, extra shot. I think I’m done with those for a while.

Mom finished knitting my hat! IT IS SO CUTE! I’ll wear it for my birthday, and then every day after! This morning my kids said my hair is growing. There is a patch of new hair right in the back of my head, and fuzz all over much of the rest. Oriel said it’s gray brown. It’s not. All other inspectors said it’s brown. Batsheva said it’s going to grow like a bald man – in a swirl of hair from back to front to back again. You know, the monk’s donut hair. Who knows, but I love the delicate fuzz that’s covering my scalp, and well, this just proves once and for all that I’m a rare one. Hair isn’t supposed to grow on the chemo that I’m on. 

I’m still having the dizzy stuff, and a lot of “discomfort”. Not allowed to say pain. Today was good though, day 2 of Fentonyl and needed only 4 percocet. I’ve been taking daily baths. Hot, bubbly baths! Sometimes twice per day. So soothing and relaxing! I think it’s terrific “discomfort” therapy.

To purchase tickets call Symphony Space at 212-864-5400 or go towww.symphonyspace.org

I’m signing off now, but before I go I just want to say thank you to all you fabu cooks that have been sustaining us all these long weeks, and the girls that come and help with the kids during “happy” hour, and for the flowers, and the treats, and the rides, and mostly just for being there so I’m not alone in this! You’re all awesome.

Have a great Shabbos!!!!

Love,

Simcha Esther

PS We still have a lot of traditional and Montessori school materials, furniture and equipment available for sale – Infant, Toddler and Elementary, some Primary. Please e-mail me if you are interested. There’s some really great stuff!

Roasted Lamb with Rosemary, from Naples at Table by Arthur Schwartz

3 1.2 lbs, various chops and pieces of bone-lamb, all about 1 inch thick (I use a combination of veal and lamb)

Salt

Freshly ground pepper

1 med. Onion, halved through the root end and thinly sliced

1 rounded Tbsp dried oregano

4 or 5 3-4 inch sprigs of rosemary (don’t use woody stems) broken into pieces

4 or 5 fresh or canned plum tomatoes, very coarsely chopped, or just cut in 6 or 8 pieces

2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil