Just finished in the kitchen. No Clare today. Very sad. Hope she’s having fun with her family at the beach!
So, I was on my own. But it smells amazing! For Shabbos dinner I made chicken vegetable soup with organic spelt knaidlach, braised chicken with lemon, tomatoes and cilantro, barley and brown rice mushroom pilaf, and roasted asparagus. Thank you Heidi for the beautiful potato kugel! My kids will surely devour it.
For lunch we’re having whole wheat and Ezekiel wraps with grilled chicken, peppers, portabellos, Vidalia onions, yellow and green zucchini. I can’t eat the grilled stuff, but I’ll make do with the rest. Guacamole, salsa, baked organic tortilla chips, big green salad, spicy red beans and brown basmati rice. I’ll mix up a pitcher of sangria with summer fruit to get the party really rocking. Thank you to the Posnacks for the big, juicy, just picked pesticide free peaches that they brought us from their family outing. We’ll slice some up for dessert. Yum! If my 10 year old ever gets off the Wii then the guests will also get chocolate cake. He’s the baker around here. But it doesn’t look likely. He’s in extra innings pitching and batting for the NY Yankees. We’re looking forward to an al fresco shalosh seudos at our wild and crazy neighbor’s with lots of friends. I LOVE Shabbos!
FYI, for those of you who want to do the holy mitzvah of hafrashas challah but never baked before, Yaffa Baslaw and I are going to be giving an Introduction to Challah Baking at my house on Sunday, September 14 from 9:30 to 12:30. In addition to the deep and amazing Torah insights, you’ll learn hands-on how to make a good dough, shape it, and bake it. We’ll also show you how you can use nuts, seeds and other flavors to make your challah really special. The class is for beginners only and is limited to 7 people. If you’re interested please contact Yaffa at 201-715-4122 or yadeinu@msn.com/cell.
It’s been an intense week. I’ve been feeling a little down. Not awful, but slightly morose. I read Randy Pausch’s blog and it hit me hard. It’s difficult to hear about the ones that lose the battle. And Wilma, an icon in our community, also passed away, Aleiha HaShalom. Then I was doing some research on cancer documentaries and ugh. In almost all of them the subject dies in the end. I guess it makes a good dramatic ending. I’m interested in a different ending – I love to be different!
I bought a lottery ticket with my son this week (it was my birthday gift from him, but he gets 10% of any winnings). Maybe we’ll win – that would be a good ending, no? Anyway, my own doc is on hold a little bit. Ryo is off to Africa for two months, so we’re regrouping. But I’m definitely doing it. Got lots of great feedback from various professionals in the field. BTW, if anyone knows an experienced director of photography (ie: cameraman) in Yerushalayim, please let me know. Would love to hire someone there to capture our adventures in the holy land to include in the film. And while I’m making requests, if anyone has an apartment in the old city that they’d be willing to let Yoni and I use for a few days when we go, we’d be very very grateful! I also need to borrow a very good digital camera for 9/2 and 9/3 if anyone can loan one to us. It’s all for the cause!
I went to visit Gilda’s Club this week. It was started by Gene Wilder, Mandy Patinkin and other friends of the late Gilda Radner, Aleiha HaShalom. It was really beautiful. They have terrific programs for people “touched by cancer” and their families. Kids programs (Noogieland), “wellness” groups, family groups, gentle yoga, art classes and lots more. The Exec Director there is eager to meet with me and Racquel Houpt (director of Passaic Bikur Cholim) to help us learn how to run a support group. Maybe we’ll start a group for the Passaic community. Sadly, there are a lot of cholim here and many are battling all alone.
I had a great meeting with Rabbi Goldhar. I told him I was feeling sad. We talked for a long time about my fears for my kids if I’m gone. They’re so unprepared for that kind of crisis. It's the always fear. I also shared about my stressing out about wasting my moments. I don’t want to waste any of my precious time. He reminded me that Rosh Hashana is Yom Hazikaron – the Day of Remembrance - and on that day Hashem looks to see if we remember our moments from the previous year. If we remember the moments, then maybe we really lived them. If we don’t remember the moments, then maybe we took them for granted. From here Hashem decides if He will grant us more moments in the coming year. Then he gave me great advice to help me live fully in the moment. He suggested that I ask myself as often as possible, about whatever I happen to be doing in that particular moment, “How can I do this the best?”. I’ve been doing it and it really helps me get present, make good choices, and milk the moment. Then I asked him about fixing a character trait, you know, going into the month of Elul, the month of fixing and all. I get stymied because there’s so much I want to fix. But if I had to choose just one it would be patience.
Just to interrupt myself for a second, I told R. Goldhar that I can’t wait for the kids to go back to school and I feel guilty for feeling that way. He asked me, in my opinion, of all the really great parents out there, how many of them do I think can’t wait for their kids to go back to school. I said about 85%. He agreed. I felt a little better. Remember the very old Staples ad where the dad is dancing through the aisles buying school supplies? The voiceover says “It’s that time of year again.” And the dad, he’s pushing the wagon and kicking up his heels really high, and his kid is very sour faced. All normal.
So, to work on patience, Rabbi G. suggested choosing one kid, and one specific time of day, for five minutes, and be patient for that tiny piece of time. Like the first 5 minutes of bedtime. I can do that. I think. We’ll see. But it’s far more empowering than taking on all of my character flaws at once! Five minutes a day might just make me feel like a winner at patience.
It’s a hard test living in the moment, not knowing what the future is AT ALL. But this is the gift. I know that there is gold on the other side of the challenge. I just have to stay the course, be committed to the growth, the expanded perspective, the opportunity. But it’s hard to let go of my former carefree life, taking the future for granted, living my days in oblivion. It is what it is. It’s all good.
It’s been a week of physical challenges at home too. Don’t ask. Let’s just say I hope the exterminator took care of the problem and that the guys who came to clean the basement carpet can get rid of the rotten stink that was left behind because they left it too wet for too long. Yisurim in the house. Better our stuff than ourselves. It should all be a kapara, a cleansing.
I was included in a cover article in the Jewish Standard this week about Ruchama’s book, “Everyone’s Got a Story”. Check it out online. There’s even a picture of me!
Please write to me! I don’t know everyone who’s out there reading my blog, so please register when you enter my website. Or, leave me a message in the Guestbook. Then I’ll have everyone’s email address handy so I can send you an invite to my world premiere. Now that’s a good ending too!
Have a holy, beautiful Shabbos!!!
Much love, Simcha Esther
PS Many thanks to all of you for forcing me to use my Hebrew name! It’s weird, but awesome.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Dearest Friends,
I woke up at 6am on Thursday morning, which was a bummer because I could have slept in. My two girls were at a friend’s house and the boys are late sleepers. That’s how my birthday started out. Then I banged my ankle on the shower door, burned my finger on the toaster oven, and woke up one of my kids by accident. I guess Hashem wanted to give me some potches for my birthday. Maybe I should have gone back to bed and waited for the day to pass. It was getting dangerous. But then some intense intestinal disturbances started up, and there was no going back to bed.
I checked my email at 7:15am and there was a great birthday card waiting for me, an El Al 747 wearing a gold party hat, which was very nice of the frequent flyer club to send me, but somehow they had forgotten to send the birthday ticket to go along with the card.
Judd emailed to confirm that we’d start filming in the late afternoon, later than I had hoped, and now I had the whole day with only some odds and ends to take care of. Without a big to do list, I thought it would be a good idea to just get out and see what the day had in store. Not my usual way of doing things, but I was up for some adventure. Mom came by, and before heading out together, the mail came. (Still no Tibetan herbs, but I guess Hashem knows what He’s doing in that department.)
At the bottom of the mailbox was a purple and yellow handmade envelope with a purple bow glued to the front. I opened the flap and inside was a matching hand made card. On the front of that there was another picture of an El Al airplane, sans party hat, with a beautiful birthday note from two of my wonderful friends who would like to remain anonymous. Nice card, but what’s with the airplane? Then I lifted the card open and underneath was another airplane, and above it was this message:
75,000 American Airlines mileage points good for one round-trip coach ticket to Eretz Yisrael on El Al Airlines!!!!!!
Well!! I had to call to find out if I was seeing things, and oh boy, it was true!!!! And WOW! I’m going to the holy land!!! So, see y’all in Jerusalem in November!!! There aren’t words to express my appreciation!!!!!!!!!
Things were looking up after that and I really loved all the wonderful birthday brochos and good wishes that kept coming in all day. Thank you!!!
Mom and I headed to Monsey in search of kosher organic chickens. While we were cruising the aisles at Monsey Glatt, or Shopper’s Haven, or whatever else it’s called, Rabbi Templer rang on my cell phone. He wanted to see me, and being as we happened to be only ten minutes from his house, I told him we’d be right over. Well, there was another birthday present waiting for me. A beautiful photo album, full of 8x10 glossies of the most pure and holy chassidishe children all learning Torah in Yerushalayim in my zechus. Every day, 363 days a year, these boys dedicate all of their learning for my rafua shleima. The menahel was there and it was such a pleasure to meet him after all these months of shteiging on my behalf. I hope it gave him nachas to see me with so much energy and looking so well. Rabbi Templer said these boys are my best medicine and I don’t doubt it. And I thought I was going to Monsey just for some chicken. And to top it all off, on the way home we stopped for a fork so Mom could eat her lunch and ran right into my friend Leigh and three of her kids. She also just celebrated a birthday and it was nice to see her and wish mazal tov in person. So, you see, it pays to go with the flow. Hashem’s itinerary is always so much more interesting than mine.
So, I’m 42 now, and still feel like 24. But 42 is a respectable number, and I’m glad to be growing older. Forty two years of life. I’ve lived a lot, Baruch Hashem, and I’m looking forward to the next 42!
Judd and Ryo made it here by five, just in time for make-your-own pizza, but when the camera started rolling I got really stressed out. Judd says it’s normal, takes a while to get used to it, but oh boy did I feel self conscious. Mom and the kids made me a birthday party and we all gave each other brochos. The pizza was not as good as I’d hoped and I realized that the fantasy is often more tasty than the reality. So I only ate a little bit. Meanwhile the camera’s going and going. Then we had the ice cream. We had seven flavors: Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk and Peanut Butter Cup; and Hagen Dasz Caremlized Pear Toasted Almond, Mint Chip, Butter Pecan, Caramel Fleur de Sel and Vanilla Honey Bee. We went to Acme, Shop Rite, Stop & Shop and Quick Check to make sure we got the best flavors. Well, I tried ‘em all and they were just ho hum. Can you believe it? I waited so long and now all the pleasure was gone. Oh well. I guess I love my health a lot more than I love ice cream. After the ice cream Ryo followed us around with that omniscient eye till bedtime, then, he and Judd and I drove over to Chaya and Dovid’s for Balderdash.
The game was quite lively, as the Balderdashers hadn’t seen each other in over a month. I suggested a wager, and after much hemming and hawing everyone coughed up a dollar. I was feeling lucky. The first round was wonga wonga, and Yoni pulled way out ahead of the rest of us with his clever African dance, which he energetically demonstrated for us.
When Judd’s disk drive ran out of memory the crew headed back to Brooklyn and the rest of us relaxed and finished our typically competitive and hysterically funny game. Chaya took the kitty in the end with “smelly feet”, her definition for podosomethingosis, which two people guessed was the right answer, and which also happened to be exactly the same as the real answer. The ice cream was practically gone by midnight and we all headed home to recover.
It was a busy day, a miraculous day, but a stressful day to say the least. Yoni and I debriefed till 1am. We were both surprisingly self conscious about the filming and I had to really ask myself if the potential end result is worth the stress. We decided to keep going, shoot a few more days, and see if it gets easier, as Judd predicts it will. It was definitely easier towards the end of the day yesterday, and shooting with friends started to be fun.
Judd looked over my outline and convinced me that capturing life as it unfolds yields far more interesting material than shooting from carefully orchestrated scenes. Getting life on film enables an authentic story to emerge. It’s what really can inspire. But that becomes a very vulnerable venture. I am all for authenticity. I can’t stand artifice, but I’m not sure I’m up for exposing all of my warts to the world. We’ll see how it goes. It could be a very big opportunity to really practice letting go and letting things flow. It’s a lesson I know I need to learn. So, we’ll see how everything weighs in as we take on the next days of shooting. Clare and I cooked together again today. We made a spicy black bean soup, Jamaican jerk chicken with plantains and an organic beef and veg stew for Shabbos lunch. Everything came out yum and the house smells amazing. I’m getting hungry. Gotta go!
Have a beautiful Shabbos!
Much love, Simcha Esther
Friday, August 15, 2008
Dearest Friends,
I woke up at 6am on Thursday morning, which was a bummer because I could have slept in. My two girls were at a friend’s house and the boys are late sleepers. That’s how my birthday started out. Then I banged my ankle on the shower door, burned my finger on the toaster oven, and woke up one of my kids by accident. I guess Hashem wanted to give me some potches for my birthday. Maybe I should have gone back to bed and waited for the day to pass. It was getting dangerous. But then some intense intestinal disturbances started up, and there was no going back to bed.
I checked my email at 7:15am and there was a great birthday card waiting for me, an El Al 747 wearing a gold party hat, which was very nice of the frequent flyer club to send me, but somehow they had forgotten to send the birthday ticket to go along with the card.
Judd emailed to confirm that we’d start filming in the late afternoon, later than I had hoped, and now I had the whole day with only some odds and ends to take care of. Without a big to do list, I thought it would be a good idea to just get out and see what the day had in store. Not my usual way of doing things, but I was up for some adventure. Mom came by, and before heading out together, the mail came. (Still no Tibetan herbs, but I guess Hashem knows what He’s doing in that department.)
At the bottom of the mailbox was a purple and yellow handmade envelope with a purple bow glued to the front. I opened the flap and inside was a matching hand made card. On the front of that there was another picture of an El Al airplane, sans party hat, with a beautiful birthday note from two of my wonderful friends who would like to remain anonymous. Nice card, but what’s with the airplane? Then I lifted the card open and underneath was another airplane, and above it was this message:
75,000 American Airlines mileage points good for one round-trip coach ticket to Eretz Yisrael on El Al Airlines!!!!!!
Well!! I had to call to find out if I was seeing things, and oh boy, it was true!!!! And WOW! I’m going to the holy land!!! So, see y’all in Jerusalem in November!!! There aren’t words to express my appreciation!!!!!!!!!
Things were looking up after that and I really loved all the wonderful birthday brochos and good wishes that kept coming in all day. Thank you!!!
Mom and I headed to Monsey in search of kosher organic chickens. While we were cruising the aisles at Monsey Glatt, or Shopper’s Haven, or whatever else it’s called, Rabbi Templer rang on my cell phone. He wanted to see me, and being as we happened to be only ten minutes from his house, I told him we’d be right over. Well, there was another birthday present waiting for me. A beautiful photo album, full of 8x10 glossies of the most pure and holy chassidishe children all learning Torah in Yerushalayim in my zechus. Every day, 363 days a year, these boys dedicate all of their learning for my rafua shleima. The menahel was there and it was such a pleasure to meet him after all these months of shteiging on my behalf. I hope it gave him nachas to see me with so much energy and looking so well. Rabbi Templer said these boys are my best medicine and I don’t doubt it. And I thought I was going to Monsey just for some chicken. And to top it all off, on the way home we stopped for a fork so Mom could eat her lunch and ran right into my friend Leigh and three of her kids. She also just celebrated a birthday and it was nice to see her and wish mazal tov in person. So, you see, it pays to go with the flow. Hashem’s itinerary is always so much more interesting than mine.
So, I’m 42 now, and still feel like 24. But 42 is a respectable number, and I’m glad to be growing older. Forty two years of life. I’ve lived a lot, Baruch Hashem, and I’m looking forward to the next 42!
Judd and Ryo made it here by five, just in time for make-your-own pizza, but when the camera started rolling I got really stressed out. Judd says it’s normal, takes a while to get used to it, but oh boy did I feel self conscious. Mom and the kids made me a birthday party and we all gave each other brochos. The pizza was not as good as I’d hoped and I realized that the fantasy is often more tasty than the reality. So I only ate a little bit. Meanwhile the camera’s going and going. Then we had the ice cream. We had seven flavors: Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk and Peanut Butter Cup; and Hagen Dasz Caremlized Pear Toasted Almond, Mint Chip, Butter Pecan, Caramel Fleur de Sel and Vanilla Honey Bee. We went to Acme, Shop Rite, Stop & Shop and Quick Check to make sure we got the best flavors. Well, I tried ‘em all and they were just ho hum. Can you believe it? I waited so long and now all the pleasure was gone. Oh well. I guess I love my health a lot more than I love ice cream. After the ice cream Ryo followed us around with that omniscient eye till bedtime, then, he and Judd and I drove over to Chaya and Dovid’s for Balderdash.
The game was quite lively, as the Balderdashers hadn’t seen each other in over a month. I suggested a wager, and after much hemming and hawing everyone coughed up a dollar. I was feeling lucky. The first round was wonga wonga, and Yoni pulled way out ahead of the rest of us with his clever African dance, which he energetically demonstrated for us.
When Judd’s disk drive ran out of memory the crew headed back to Brooklyn and the rest of us relaxed and finished our typically competitive and hysterically funny game. Chaya took the kitty in the end with “smelly feet”, her definition for podosomethingosis, which two people guessed was the right answer, and which also happened to be exactly the same as the real answer. The ice cream was practically gone by midnight and we all headed home to recover.
It was a busy day, a miraculous day, but a stressful day to say the least. Yoni and I debriefed till 1am. We were both surprisingly self conscious about the filming and I had to really ask myself if the potential end result is worth the stress. We decided to keep going, shoot a few more days, and see if it gets easier, as Judd predicts it will. It was definitely easier towards the end of the day yesterday, and shooting with friends started to be fun.
Judd looked over my outline and convinced me that capturing life as it unfolds yields far more interesting material than shooting from carefully orchestrated scenes. Getting life on film enables an authentic story to emerge. It’s what really can inspire. But that becomes a very vulnerable venture. I am all for authenticity. I can’t stand artifice, but I’m not sure I’m up for exposing all of my warts to the world. We’ll see how it goes. It could be a very big opportunity to really practice letting go and letting things flow. It’s a lesson I know I need to learn. So, we’ll see how everything weighs in as we take on the next days of shooting. Clare and I cooked together again today. We made a spicy black bean soup, Jamaican jerk chicken with plantains and an organic beef and veg stew for Shabbos lunch. Everything came out yum and the house smells amazing. I’m getting hungry. Gotta go!
