I LOVE Sukkos! In the middle of my crazy life the shopping got done, the sukkah went up, the lights are twinkling and the cooking begins after an 8am session tomorrow morning with Dr. Gatto. I can feel the hug of the sukkah, Hashem’s embrace, encircling me already. Sukkos is a celebration of emunah. I can’t wait to immerse myself in that healing energy. Stop by first day Yom Tov after lunch. I plan to rest as much as I can on Wednesday, so if you come by and I’m not around, I hope you understand.
Please drop by for an informal simchas bais hashueva Motzei Yom Tov, Wed 9PM to midnight. Sorry, adults only. Sukkah is small, but otherwordly. Can’t promise it’ll be a good fit, so please sit in shifts. Bring a brocha, a bottle and something to eat. As for me, I plan to put out the plates, cups and seltzer and just soak up all the joy to get really ready for the heavy artillery on Thursday.
I think last week’s entry left some confusion. Going back to NYU was about completing an important part of my past. And it was so good to go back doing a creative project. A big win for me after 20 years.
We had a beautiful Shabbos. Many thanks to the Weinraub’s for hosting our girls Friday night. It was a rare treat for us to enjoy a quiet Shabbos seuda with only the boys. And bedtime was a dream. I turned in by 9 and slept 7 hours straight. Many thanks to the Weisbergers for hosting us ALL day Shabbos day. And the healthy home cooking was just divine.
Posters went up all over town announcing the big Chaim Dovid benefit concert on Sunday, November 2. Tickets are now available at Jerusalem II (cash and checks) and Z Berman (cash, check, credit card) in Passaic. Checks should be made payable to Bikur Cholim of Passaic/Clifton. Be sure to get your tickets early. I think it’s going to be standing room only.
Last night I got only 3 hours sleep. Lots of creative energy pulsing through me. Had to get up and write. But by afternoon I felt like I was hallucinating from the exhaustion. I need to sloooooooow down. Especially since I’ll be on megadoses of steroids for 3 days starting on Wednesday. I fly on that stuff! Forget all about sleeping.
Happy Birthday Eliana! Mazal tov to our 6 year old with blessings for a joyous year. We had a very small birthday party with the family, and whoa! After 3 nights of very fun sleepovers and 3 days of playdates, it turned into quite a wild scene. Baruch Hashem, everyone finally went to bed without too much trouble and Yoni and I decorated our sukkah together, while Tsvika followed us with the camera.
Many thanks to Gina for the gorgeous painting! And to Nancy for the assortment of handmade earrings and also for hanging concert posters all over Teaneck in time for Yom Tov last minute shoppers. Thank you to my brother David for helping me at Kinko’s with the concert tix and getting them to the vendors. Thank you to Talya and Raquel for arranging meals for my family starting Thursday night, and to Yaffa for arranging challah for next Shabbos and Yom Tov. Thank you to the A’s for the stunning sunflowers (my favorites!). What an extraordinary community of friends and neighbors we are blessed with!!!!
Please note that Shany Gejerman’s Shabbos shiur will be starting at 4:30 until further notice. Thank you again for the special zechusim!!
Please keep me in your tefilos on Thursday. I want to get the biggest bang I can out of these drugs, with the littlest negative effects. I have too much to do to be stopped by side effects now!
With lots of love and blessings for a Chag Sameach, Simcha Esther
PS If anyone can help out the day of the concert please let me know. PPS Here’s a special recipe I’m making for tomorrow night, first meal in the sukkah:
Chicken and Apricot Tagine with Cous Cous (From Come With Me to the Kasbah, by Kitty Morse) Serves 6-10
2 organic chickens cut in 8ths 1 big bunch cilantro, tied with kitchen twine 6 garlic cloves, minced 4 tsp ground cinnamon 4 tsp ground ginger 2 tsp sweet paprika 4 tbsp organic expeller pressed canola oil 6 medium onions, chopped 2 cups filtered or spring water Salt and pepper to taste 2 lbs. fresh apricots, halved and pitted, or 2 cups dried organic apricots 1 cup pure honey
Whole wheat cous cous cooked according to package directions
Wash and dry the chicken, remove the skin. Place the chicken pieces in a glass bowl. In a separate bowl, combine the garlic and spices and rub the mixture over the chicken until evenly coated. Let stand for 10 minutes. Heat the vegetable oil in a heavy pan and sauté the onions until golden. Then, brown the chicken on all sides in batches. Place the cilantro bundle in the bottom of the pot, then set the chicken pieces snugly in the pan. Add water. Cover and cook over medium heat until tender. (about 1 to 1 ¼ hours). Turn off the heat, transfer chicken to a platter and keep warm. Remove the cilantro bundle and season the sauce with salt and pepper to taste. If using dried apricots, soak them in warm water for 10 minutes. Reserve a few whole apricots for garnish. Bring the sauce in the pan to a boil, and add the apricots and honey. Mash the fruit gently and cook over high heat until the sauce thickens. To serve, cover the hens with the apricot sauce, and garnish with the reserved apricots. Serve over steamed cous cous.
Bismillah!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Hey Friends!!
You know, I CANNOT keep up with myself! I’m really having the time of my life. Thank you so very much for the gorgeous Shabbos flowers, for the stunning watercolor from Tsfas, for the rock from Tsfas, to Tzipora and Shira my wonderful local homework helpers, to Steve Eisenberg and everyone at JICNY for letting us film Monday night, to Yaffa and Nancy and all the incredible challah bakers! And thank you also for the challah workshop! Yasher Koach to Avi, Chana, Chaim Dovid and the band for putting together what promises to be the concert of my life!!!! Thank you all of you!!!!
What an awesome week. We went to the Baslaws for Shabbos lunch – our first Shabbos meal out in years – and I’m not exaggerating! It was so nice Friday night when we cleaned up from dinner and loaded the dishwasher. The next morning I had nothing to do to prepare for the meal. Yaffa made an awesome lunch – a lamb and chicken thing that is so far beyond cholent, that I can’t even think of a good enough name for it!!!! It was a real treat. I’m not used to being a Shabbos guest! I’m out of practice I guess. I hope I didn’t disappoint! We’re going next door to the A’s this Shabbos lunch. I get to practice again!!! Can’t wait!!
Yaffa and I led the challah baking workshop together on Sunday and it was terrific. Even Tsvika said he had a great time – and he only got to watch! We’re planning to put a short segment of it on YouTube. I’ll keep you posted. I hope everyone’s challahs came out great. They looked gorgeous! Thank you Malka for donating some of your wonderful loaves for our Shabbos table this week!
Monday was an unbelievable day. We filmed from 8:30 am till 1:30 am. We could probably make a movie just from what we got that day! It was huge fun. Started with davening, then a trip to Quest Labs to get blood drawn. Joe, the technician, had a ball on camera. He felt bad that we didn’t warn him so he could put on makeup! Then we went to Dr. Gatto and Tsvika filmed our wild and weird hypnotherapy session. Luckily I was still able to let go and let it work, even with a camera watching.
Then we went to Whole Foods with Mom, and Tsvika only got in trouble about four times. But he got everything we needed and I got all my groceries, so it was a successful trip. Then we went to Ateres Bais Yaakov in Monsey to pick up my girls after school. Well, Eliana gave us a great shot – because she saw me from across the campus, and talk about shots, she came running like a cannonball when she saw me and I was lucky I didn’t fall down from the impact! The girls played those girly hand game things all the way home and Tsvika got it all. We decided that the soundtrack from Mary Poppins would be perfect for our film. Just a Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down! And, I Love to Laugh – Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
Then, on the way home, we went to drop off my sheitl for a wash and set and a redo on the highlights (for the fourth time). Miriam Tsinamin had a great time making me try on all the different wigs and Tsvika got about 10 shots of me in all different colors and styles. We’re going back next Monday to pick up my wig, and I’m sure Miriam will make me try on another ten wigs. It was great fun and her wigs are really gorgeous. But I DO NOT look good as a blonde!!!
Later that night Tsvika and I joined Yoni at JICNY in the city for his class. He talked all about Elul, about making ourselves indispensable to G-d. The secret is, the only thing we can do for Hashem that He can’t do for us, is to be ourselves. He gave some great homework to practice being our unique selves. Here’s one: every day take an inventory of what you are uniquely grateful for. Here’s another one: name a pet peeve and declare something your going to do about it – for example, if you hate complainers, take on giving up complaining till Rosh Hashana. Good stuff and it was great to see all of Yoni’s students again. They’ve all been davening for me and taking on mitzvos. I’m glad they got to see me having so much fun and looking so healthy.
We had planned to go to the Ohel of the Lubavitcher Rebbe after that but it was after 10pm when we got in the car in Manhattan. I called Malka, my wonderful Lubavitcher babysitter, and she said “You have to go to the Ohel!!!” So we picked up some provisions and headed for Queens. It took forever to get there though because not only was there construction traffic, but there were at least four different Francis Lewis Boulevards that particular night (Yoni, Tsvika and I all agreed that something weird was definitely going on with that. GPS locator lady just kept taking us from Francis Lewis Boulevard to Francis Lewis Boulevard – and you know, we hit at least 2 intersections of Francis Lewis and Francis Lewis). We kept turning around and around to get there. But we did make it when we ran out of Francis Lewis Boulevards. The moon was full and the cemetery was drenched in moonlight. We were the only ones outside at the kever and it was amazing. I love it there. I felt hugged so tight. I never want to leave when I’m there. We got home at 1:30am, but it was totally worth it. I was so jazzed up from the day.
The blood test results came in and they were good. Bilirubin is way down again. Dr. Krug is sure it’s drug related, so he put me back on the Tarceva at half a dose. I asked Megan if that would affect the efficacy of the drug, and she told me she has a guy, twice my weight, who’s been on it for four or five years and doing great on the same half dose. Well! Those words made my heart sing and I had to tell Megan how much I love her. I really do! And she said she loves me too. And I know she does. She’s got the gift. She has the special communication gift that gives patients hope. Even when the news isn’t good, she always shares the bright side. Four or five years and still doing great!!!!! I made a special brocha and took my Tarceva that night with renewed emunah.
With Rosh Hashana near, lots of people have been coming to the door for tzeduka, charity. I usually hate it when they bang on my door, look in my windows, ring the bell over and over and over. But the other night Yoni was talking with one of the meshulachim, and I stood in the doorway and I looked at him and thought to myself, this man is an illumination, a manifestation of G-d’s ratzon, His Divine Will. And I stood there, smiling, just soaking up his beautiful light. And I was full of love. Every now and then, when I manage to remember, I take a moment and meditate on that – this person in front of me is an illumination of G-d! And it totally changes everything. Last night it was an endless stream of collectors and the kids were not going to bed so nicely. I did not do so well. I yelled at them and I yelled at Yoni. Oy. Always something to work on!
But when I can stand in that place, seeing everyone as a unique manifestation of G-dly light, I appreciate people so much more. I’m really appreciating each of the kids for their individual uniqueness. They’re really cool kids. I love being with them when I’m getting their greatness.
I went shopping with Mom for some new Yom Tov clothes. I had to take everything a size smaller than last time. I’m one pound over what I was in college! Don’t worry, I’ve been trying to get here for years already. I had a really nice time with Mom and she wouldn’t let me leave till I had the perfect top to go with the gorgeous skirt I picked up.
I did one of my drawings for Bernie Siegel. I followed his instructions and drew myself, my tumors, my white blood cells and my treatment. I loved the process of doing the drawing. I knew I was feeling good about things, but I had no idea how good until I started coloring it. In the picture I’m sort of dancing, and there’s this intense golden glow all around me and a pinky/bluey/purply light all around the Tarceva, and the tumors look strangely like flowers and my body is totally alive and pulsing with energy. I’m excited to be meeting Dr. Siegel in Connecticut on Tuesday night. I can’t wait to hear his interpretation of my picture. I’ll also be attending his Exceptional Cancer Patients support group and then we’ll film an interview. Wow! I really can’t wait.
I got the go ahead to go to Israel!!!! So, woo hoo! We have our tickets and we’re flying out on Nov. 30, returning on Dec 11. Friends are already busy planning the Shabbos meals and the parties over there for when I come! And some who got the news early have already insisted on meeting us at the airport – they can’t all drive us to Yerushalayim, so some are coming just for a hug!!!! At 7:00am!!! We can’t wait to see everyone. I’ll keep you posted on our plans and the special events that everyone is invited to in the Old City and Ramat Beit Shemesh. It’ll be great, because I don’t know how else we’d be able to see everyone on such a short trip.
The Tibetan herbs came today while I was cooking! I wanted to hug the mailman! I was so happy. It’s only been four months that I’ve been waiting for these herbs. Perfect timing. Plenty of time for them to do their work before my next CT scan, and on the half dose of Tarceva, I’m glad that I’m not over-toxing on Western meds. Because when they start to work, Dr. Krug will keep me on whatever meds, whatever dose, I’m taking. I hesitated before opening the envelope, then Mom came in and I asked if she thought I should wait till Tsvika comes back from his family trip to film the opening of the herbs. She said I should wait. If mom says I can wait the two days, then wait I will!
I just finished cooking for Shabbos. We’re having Malka’s yummy challah, chicken soup with whole wheat knaidlach, herb and lemon whole roast chicken, futo magi & brown rice pilaf with shitake and portabello mushrooms, roast butternut squash, garlic roasted cauliflower, steamed green beans and red cabbage. It’s Eliana’s 6th birthday, so we’re having a giant chocolate birthday cookie for dessert. Looks good!!!
Here’s my recipe for the most juicy chicken you can imagine:
One whole organic chicken, 3-4 pounds 1 organic lemon – remove zest (I use a plane zester, works great!) 3 cloves garlic, chopped 10 stems fresh herbs – today I used fresh oregano, but thyme, sage, rosemary are all good 1 tbsp good quality olive oil + some for drizzling Salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 325. Clean the chicken inside and out and remove the pin feathers (I use a tweezer – works great). Remove the leaves from 6 stems of herbs, place the remaining 4 stems inside the chicken cavity. Chop the leaves and mix together with the garlic, olive oil and lemon zest. Cut the zested lemon in half and place inside the cavity. Gently loosen the skin over the breast and evenly spread the herb/garlic/oil/zest mixture under the skin. Lightly drizzle remaining olive oil over the chicken and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast uncovered for about 1 hour and 20 minutes, until the thigh juices run clear when pierced with a sharp knife. The drumstick should bend freely. Gently tent with foil until ready to serve. If eating right away, let the chicken stand for about 20 minutes before cutting. Be careful reheating – overcooking will dry out this succulent meal. Sometimes I undercook it a little, then finish it off just before Shabbos. Place on a slightly warm (not hot) part of the blech, or let stand in a warm place until ready to carve.
SAVE THE DATE!!!! I’m so grateful to Chaim Dovid for scheduling a concert here on Sunday, November 2, at 2:30pm, to raise money for the documentary project. We have a little surprise planned for all those who attend, so don’t miss it! Many thanks to Avi Feinberg Chana King, Racquel Houpt and Sarah Zulauf for helping to make all the arrangements. A percentage of the proceeds will benefit Bikur Cholim of Passaic/Clifton.
You can help us make the documentary! Tax deductible donations can be made out to our fiscal sponsor, The Lung Cancer Society of Long Island, and mailed to me at 86 Elmwood Avenue, Passaic, NJ 07055. Any donation of $180 or more will be listed in the film credits. A large percentage of all proceeds will benefit organizations dedicated to helping those whose lives have been touched by cancer. Please email me at sg@thejea.org if you already sent a check.
Thank you for all the donations to the Kallah fund. And a very special thank you to a certain teenage girl in my community who asked her parents for money for her birthday – money to give to tzeduka, so Simcha Esther bas Chaya Pesha will have a rafua shleima. I’m totally choked up. Tizku l’mitzvos! We’re still collecting for poor and orphan brides in Eretz Yisrael. Please send checks made out to the FJC, to us at the above address.
Many thanks to Shany Gejerman who has been giving a shiur every Shabbos in my zechus. Starting this week the class will start at 5:00 on Shabbos afternoon. It’s not to be missed!
We’re selling all of the school equipment and materials that we don’t need anymore. We have a lot of great stuff, beautiful furniture, infant and toddler equipment, Montessori materials (Toddler through Lower Elementary) in great condition. Even kitchen supplies! Please email me if you’re interested in purchasing anything. Leigh and I are planning a public sale sometime soon. I’ll keep you posted. We’ll need a couple of strong volunteers to help carry the stuff down from my attic and up from my basement on the morning of the sale.
I need to put up a website! Too many people can’t find my blog, and very soon we’ll have a film trailer and shorts to post. Is anyone out there who can help? I have a domain reserved already.
I’m also looking for a swimming buddy if anyone has a membership at the Y.
Blessings for a beautiful Shabbos!!!!
Much love, Simcha Esther
Friday, September 12, 2008
Wow! Pow! What a couple of days!!! I’m flying. Life is amazing. I can barely contain it.
The Dushinsker Rebbe came to our house on Tuesday night and it was very very special. Akiva was a great helper making the house nice, setting the table with drinks and cakes and he even got Oriel dressed in Shabbos clothes without anyone asking. The Rebbe arrived with an entourage and the energy in our house was so full of love, kedusha, achdus. I wanted it to go on forever. The Rebbe gave everyone in my family very big brachos for everything we need, and he gave us all shirayim from his cake. What an incredible zechus!!
Tzvika Tal, an experienced documentarian and my new producer, caught it all on film. It was great working with him and we got together for 2 more days of filming after that. I’m having a blast!! He got some fabulous footage. I took him for a walk in the park on Thursday morning and he had a hard time keeping up with me! After that I was interviewed for an article that will IY”H be published in Jewish Action. It was a great interview and I think we got some really inspiring voiceover.
Then Tzvika and his camera joined me in my weekly meeting with Rabbi Goldhar, which was, as always, deep and inspiring. We talked about special things I can do for Elul. I’ve been working hard on teshuva, fixing myself and my connection to Hashem, but I want to ramp it up before it’s too late. Hashem is in the field right now! He’s in our midst. So, among other things, I’m working on hispodidus, speaking directly, simply, openly to Hashem, every day. It feels so good.
We talked more about this patience thing, this mida of anger that I want to eradicate. R. Goldhar has such clarity! He showed me that the things that tick me off, for the most part, can be anticipated, and therefore attended to by creating structures to eliminate stress. So, I’ll be examining those times when impatience usually grips (like getting the kids ready for school, homework, bedtime – basically all the time with the kids!). It reminded me of the time when I was learning to drive. We used IPDE – identify, predict, decide, execute. Like, when you’re driving down a residential street, you can predict that if a ball rolls into the road, a child will follow. Predicting gives you time to decide what to do (execute) before it’s too late. Smart, right? Now I just have to apply it to my life.
I finished my essay for the Real Simple contest – The Most Important Day of My Life. Well that was fun! After I sent it off I realized that right in the first paragraph describing our wait in the emergency room I wrote that I was flipping through the pages of Martha Stuart. Duh!!! What a dodo. I doubt the editors of Real Simple will appreciate me crediting their direct competition. Oh well. It felt good to just get it done. And I was glad that the article was all about my journey with Hashem – from anger, to hope, to faith. I hope that someone will read it and it will be a Kiddush Hashem.
Today we filmed my Shabbos cooking, and we even went to Acme for parsley when I realized I didn’t have any for my Yemenite chicken. Tzvika only got yelled at 3 times for filming in the store, but he’s been there done that a lot and we got the whole thing on film. Later he’ll come with us to the library and shoot the end of day Shabbos preparations. What fun!!
G-d is so good! Our dear friend Chaim Dovid said he’d be honored to give a benefit concert in Passaic to raise money for the documentary. So, we’ll be sending out info as soon as we set the date. Should be right after Sukkos. Please plan on coming! It’s going to be grand!!!!
Another very special friend and lung cancer survivor, Selma Rosen, has taken on a project to help us raise money for production and post production costs. Selma is a Self Expression and Leadership Program director at Landmark Education (where Yoni and I met, incidentally). She’s a powerhouse to say the least. She started the Lung Cancer Society of Long Island many years ago, and they will be our fiscal sponsor. Selma is planning some Bloomingdales Shopping Benefits at North Shore Hospital in Manhasset over the next few weeks to help me in my project. She’s looking for volunteers who live on Long Island, Queens or Brooklyn to help man the table, if anyone is interested. You can call her at 516-922-4010.
Bli ayin hara, I think this film is going to be very important. As Tzvika says, it’s a big Kiddush Hashem. I think it will really save people’s lives. And it will give life to people who don’t have much time left. I think it could even bring people back to G-d. If anyone wants to join the team (and get your name in the credits!) please send a tax deductible donation to: Lung Cancer Society of Long Island, c/o Selma Rosen, 7 Deusenberg Drive, East Norwich, NY 11732.
Chana King has also volunteered to help out as Director of Development, Rabbi Goldhar will be Editorial Advisor, Maya Batash will be Consulting Director and sponsors currently include The Lung Cancer Society of Long Island, Save 1 Person Save the World and The Jewish Legacy Foundation. If anyone would like to join the team, I can send out the Project Overview. Please let me know.
Many many many thanks for the beautiful letter from Baltimore (caught it on film!), for the amazing essential oil and inspiring note, to the Ateres girls who completed the Sefer Tehillim (Psalms) four times in one day in my zechus, for the donations made in the merit of my rafua, for the stunning Shabbos flowers and for the tefillos at the very moment of a bris, of a baby who’s parents I don’t even know!
Many thanks to Leah Bennet (who just went off to Seminary – blessing you with hatzlacha and lots of fun!) who has collected over 50 beautiful used sheitels from women all over the US. The wigs will be sold in Cheshvan for a few thousand dollars which will go to hachnassas kallah, (poor and orphan brides). This is a very special zechus for me. Manhattan High School for Girls is starting up a new campaign this month to collect more sheitels in my zechus. Please email Leah at leah.bennett@yahoo.com if you have a wig to donate. For more info check out http://www.geocities.com/kerenkolkallah
Thank you so much and Yasher Koach to all the holy women who baked challah for me all over the world, and to Yaffa, Nancy and Alisa, coordinators extraordinaire! I don’t even know how many of you are out there baking for me. I get the emails forwarded to me sometimes – most of you I don’t even know!!! Imagine that!! What incredible love. I think it’s well over 100 already every week. So last night Yoni and I did a little math. Say 100 women are baking 5 lbs of dough a week – that’s 500 pounds of dough. And this has been going on since May, so let’s say 14 weeks. That’s 500 pounds times 14 weeks. Comes to 7,000 pounds of dough. And I know that it’s actually a lot more. Well, 7,000 pounds is about 3.5 tons. That’s a lot of dough!!!!!! And a lot of brochos. Thank you just doesn’t acknowledge how awesome that is.
Achdus. It’s in the air. Yay! I love Elul.
It’s been a week of tremendous insights (what’s new!). You know, I go down down down, and the lower I go the higher I come up!!! I love it. On Wednesday it took forever to finish davening because I had to keep stopping to write down my thoughts so I could share them with you. This is what I wrote:
Hashem didn’t create – He creates, ongoingly. He is the living G-d, but are we living? He puts every opportunity in front of us to achieve our soul potential. Do we take the opportunities? Do we talk to the stranger, hug someone who touched us, reach out with love, do something for someone else, recognize the Yad Hashem (the hand of G-d), experience gratitude every moment that life is breathed into us, just so we can say I love you, or I’m sorry, or give a hug. When I stop and connect I feel filled with gratitude and love for Hashem. I think that’s the goal. Ahavas (love for) Hashem.
I’m learning not to push so much. Hishtadlus, our efforts, do not have to sap us of every resource on a daily basis. G-d reveals our path, we just have to open our eyes, seize the opportunities. Don’t have to force a situation or result. Everything is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to – or not supposed to. The question is, how am I going to be in this moment? Where am I going to come from? We can’t serve Hashem from fear, suffering, resentment, guilt. Only from simcha.
I thought about all the material pleasures we have. Good food, nice stuff. all here for us to enjoy. They’re all gifts of love, just not gifts we should expect or become attached to – because then they cease being gifts. Making a brocha is a different experience from that place. It’s acknowledging the gift, without entitlement.
I was putting Oriel to bed the other night and he didn’t want to go. He said “Mommy, it’s not time to go to bed.” I said “Yes, it is. See, it’s getting dark.” He said “No, Mommy. There’s no such thing as time.” I said “how do you know?” He said “Hashem said so.” And you know what? The kid is right! There really is no such thing as time. It’s all an illusion, a construction, a virtual reality to help us serve Hashem and fix ourselves. There is no time in Hashem’s reality. It’s a creation that serves us in our service of Him. And standing there, there is nothing to fear. Because all there is, is what’s here now. Most of the things I’ve been afraid of aren’t happening (and likely will never happen). There is peace in the here and now, even with pain there is peace. Suffering disappears when we stand only in the moment. Suffering might only be able to exist when we project into this illusory future.
In the eternal world of souls we can’t act, we can only be. We get to be in the world of eternity with whatever we built in the world of building. Here and now is our soul’s chance to act. Here, from our perspective, we have choices. How we interact with reality, in our individual moments, is what out eternity is and will be based on. It’s all now. And from that perspective it makes sense to say that our eternity is now also, not later, not after this life, it’s all now. We are being our eternity or we’re not.
So, if there’s really no such thing as time, then really we’re all in the same boat. There is no tomorrow. Every day Hashem, in His infinite mercy, raises us from the dead, gives us this stage set to act out our lives, to build ourselves, or not.
Our service of Hashem is all in the moment, in our attitude, our perspective, our choices, our actions. Every moment is a test – what will we choose? Will we react or respond? Will we go to anger and irritation or love and contribution? Maybe it’s as simple as that. It seems much easier to choose life, to make the “life” choices when we let go of tomorrow (and yesterday - even more of an illusion, a deep trap, where we hold onto fuel to feed resentment, fear, mistrust.)
Good food for thought as I prepare for Rosh Hashana.
I had another great session with Dr. Gatto. We installed filters – to block out all the destructive negative thoughts. He said that I can just change the filter daily for optimal efficiency. And you know, I think it’s working! I’ve had such a beautiful, deep, rich, joyous week. We talked about charging a battery (Dr. Gatto was an engineer) and he told me that if you don’t fully charge a battery the uncharged part sulfurizes and becomes unusable. I was thinking about this with regard to davening and learning, which is really about charging our battery. The stronger the charge, the brighter the light. We’re all, after all, illuminations of holiness, manifestations of Hashem’s ratzon. It’s awesome to look at someone and see them as an illumination of G-d!
Blessings to us all to charge up to full, sing our song strong, and shine our light very very bright!
Loving you all so much!!
Simcha Esther
PS - My Bilirubin shot up so Dr. Krug took me off the Tarceva for a week. Having blood rechecked on Monday to see where to go from here. Don’t know what Hashem has in store for me in the therapy department, but you know, right now I don’t even care! Have a blessed Shabbos!!!!!
2 tbsp organic olive oil 2 medium onions, chopped 8 medium garlic cloves, chopped 3 tbsp ground cumin 1 ½ tsp turmeric 1 tbsp organic tomato paste 1 cup water 3 organic chickens cut in quarters or eights 2 lbs. boiling potatoes (I don’t eat these, but the rest of the family loves them) 1/3 cup fresh flat leaf organic parsley chopped Sea salt and freshly ground pepper ¾ lb. ripe tomatoes chopped or 14 oz. can organic plum tomatoes, drained and chopped
Position rack in lower 3rd of oven. Preheat to 300. Heat oil in a large, deep, heavy pot or casserole over med-low heat. Add onions and sauté until golden (about 12 minutes). Remove from heat. Stir in garlic, cumin, turmeric, tomato paste and ½ cup water.
Add chicken, potatoes, parsley, salt and pepper, tomatoes. Mix well until chicken is well coated with spices. Cover tightly and bake about 3 hours. Check occasionally and add remaining water if necessary, so there is a little sauce but chicken does not get dry. Taste sauce and adjust seasoning.
